Ten narcissist traits that we don’t always expect

Sometimes we envision a narcissist as a hot girl/handsome guy staring at herself/himself in the mirror.  It’s easy to assume they are rich, attractive, glamorous and obvious. But…they aren’t. One of the reasons narcissists are so successful at conning people is they are extremely average and don’t seem offensive at all…at first. Here are ten things that you might not expect when trying to avoid narcissists:

1. Narcissists aren’t always attractive.
Narcissists date a lot, but it’s not because they are good-looking. It’s because they know how to exploit people and say all the right things. Many a person has stated that they weren’t really physically attracted to the narcissist that drew them in. (Including myself!)

2. They aren’t always loud or outgoing.
Some narcs are actually very quiet and shy. But that doesn’t mean they are thinking of other people! It’s still always about them.

3. They don’t always wear fashionable or sexy clothes.
Not every narc is an exhibitionist. My ex narcopath wore very blah, clothes from cheap stores. He was fastidious about wrinkles though. Heaven help you if you try to hug him and wrinkle his Members Only jacket!

4. They often claim to be very humble.
Remember, narcissists know what people want to hear. They know that society doesn’t always like a braggart, so they will tell you they are humble…even if they aren’t.

5. Narcissists can sometimes stay in a long-term marriage.
Although narcs are infamous for cheating and running through people as fast as possible, sometimes a narc finds a very vulnerable person who puts up with them and sticks around. Sometimes, their partners don’t know any better. (All the more reason to educate people you meet!)

6. They can work in professions where we normally expect empathetic people, (such as in schools or doctors’ offices.)
Narcs like earning money. And sometimes, entering a caring profession can bring them money as well as a wide variety of souls to suck on.

7. They can get involved in charitable organizations or even domestic violence centers.
You know how sometimes when people do really nice, great things, they get praise? Yeah, narcs know that too. If a narc can donate a few hours and then get attention for having done something good, they will sign up.

8. They can be pastors or church leaders.
What better way to take control of people than to be in a position of power and trust? People often trust pastors to be caring, honest and empathetic then get burned by a narcissistic church leader.

9. They often have no real talent (other than playing people.)
Narcs are often very empty. They aren’t all living it up in Hollywood. Some of them are people with no personality. No wonder they leach off others!

10. They can show up in support groups pretending to be victims.
If you tell someone a narcissist abused you, the narc thinks that makes them the victim. I cannot count the times I’ve seen a woman show up in a narcissist support group to talk about her horrible child who called her a narcissist and cut her off. Narcs think that you are “abusing” them when you refuse to let them abuse you anymore.

So what do you do?

Take your time, educate yourself, observe, trust your gut and watch to see if a person’s words match their actions. Time will always out the narcissist.

2 thoughts on “Ten narcissist traits that we don’t always expect

  1. Good list and I would add another – not all abusers are serial abusers. many times theres this idea that they abuse one and after discard abuse another then another, but no. esp if the narc has a strong social community who would judge him for repeated behaviour, they can target one victim for the rest of the lifetime! this is like select target victimisation – and they will have complicit helpers to assist them in targeting the selected one. this may be the ‘ex wife’ who stood up to them, or a child from another marriage etc. Also, this helps them save their public image more while isolating their target further. the other wife (or other kids) can say – he is a great husband/father – so he says’see! i am good you are the problem not me – everyone loves me!’ etc. etc.

  2. Oh my!
    I have experienced so much of the behaviors described herein!
    While, I kept giving and doing and trying; I believe my enemy was evil and more precise than I could ever imagine, with his transferable gas lighting of me! In my case …..
    Perhaps when one doesn’t know what is going on; out of pure love!; then, dangerous episodes ensue as a result of not permitting such mastery.
    Please keep sharing!
    I had no idea the lengths of plotting that can occur!

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