Love-bombing from a narcissist

From my life experiences that I’m writing:

“He started calling me multiple times a day—on my work breaks, lunch after work and more. I actually asked him not to call so much because it was keeping me from getting things done. He continued to tell me how great I was. I remember driving in my car to work one day wondering how he could think that when we’d just met. I asked friends the same question. It was great, but it was weird. We barely knew each other but he was talking about my being “the one” and wanting to buy a house in my town. He was so charming and continued to say he was exactly what I wanted, so I kept believing.”

This story is not uncommon for the fresh target of a narcissist. Narcissists want to latch on quickly because they don’t have their own personalities. They thrive on living through others. Furthermore, they know that they can’t hold their mask on for long. Soon, their true colors and their abusive nature will show through, so they have to ensnare their prey as quickly as possible. Many people who have been involved with narcissists will say that the first few days or weeks were a whirlwind of excitement and romance. The term “soul mate” is often thrown around. (Narcissists go through many soul mates!) The target gets drawn in and falls head-over-heels in love with the narcissist. Once the target is trapped, the narcissist relaxes and shows his or her true colors, but it’s too late. The target is devoted.

Years ago, I read an article in Psychology Today that indicated women were likely to hold on to a dead relationship and keep trying to get it to work, while men were much more pragmatic. They didn’t stick around. The women felt like once they’d invested so much of their time and emotions, they were obliged to get something out of it, whereas the men cut their losses. Not that all men and women are the same, but it may explain why we most often hear about a female victim and a male narcissist who discards her. This stereotype is more common because it fits better with the typical male and female personalities.

I couldn’t find that exact article from around 2008 or 2009, but here is another link that describes some of the addiction we feel in bad relationships. It is not specifically about narcissistic relationships, but I think most of us who have dated or married narcissists can relate!

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