It used to drive me nutso when my narcissist mother showed zero respect for my belongings. She’s sold my bed for gambling money, given away my infant’s baby bed, stolen my credit card, broken my valuables, drained my childhood savings account, and worse. Every time, I am left helpless. I can threaten to call the police, threaten to take her to small claims court, try to bargain with her…but it will never work. The narcissist knows that the law isn’t going to get involved and that all you can do is stew in your frustration. The narcissist mother LOVES to watch you squirm and beg for her to return your belongings. And it’s not just me.
When I joined support groups after I learned that there was a diagnosis for my mother’s malicious behavior, I found dozens of other women with the same story. The narcissist, especially a narcissist mother who is competing with her daughter, has no respect for others or the things they own. They will take pictures, they will take heirlooms, they will take from you or your child, they will do it and enjoy it. Every minute you plead with them, they get a thrill from the narcissistic supply and attention they are getting.
A narcissist mother will destroy your belongings either on purpose or by neglect, and she will always make it your fault. When I had to make a sudden move, my narcissist mother invited me to store things in her unused spare bedroom. I had no choice as I had nowhere else to take things and no money to store them. She assured me she didn’t mind. However, dozens of my items were broken or given away. For several months, she has refused to return the rest. She knows I want my things back, and she enjoys withholding them. I had a friend intervene and she refused. I had another friend ask and she refused. Last time I was able to make a trip to pick up my belongings, many of them were destroyed or missing. And she blamed it all on me for trusting her and leaving my things there…after she invited me to! In a normal world, with a normal mother, you can feel safe storing your belongings–but not with a sick mother.
At this point, I have to cut my losses. I have spent money to re-buy things she stole from my children, and I will spend money to re-buy the other things I’ve lost–at least the ones that are replaceable. I have no other choice. Every time I ask her to give my things back, she is exerting control over my life and holding me hostage. I’ve dealt with these games for 36 years and I don’t want to be a narcissistic monster’s hostage anymore. That’s the way it always is with narcissists. You have to cut your losses because escaping their mental illness and malicious sickness is the only way to “win.”