Narcissist mothers and family alienation

We’ve heard about parental alienation, but there’s less commentary on family alienation. It seems to be the hallmark of a narcissistic mother–especially with her daughter. Narcissists of all types are dedicated to discrediting their victims by portraying them as crazy to friends, relatives and acquaintances. They usually start before the victim even knows there is a problem. Then, when the abuse starts, the narcissist has already planted a seed in people’s minds to make them think the victim is not trustworthy. It destroys the support system that the victim of a narcissist so desperately needs!

Narcissist mothers love to smear their daughters under the guise of caring. “Oh my poor daughter. I worry so much about her because she has mental issues.” The daughter might not have mental issues at all, (or she might be depressed or upset about the abuse she’s experiencing!) But, the mother’s comments set a foundation by which people begin to view the target/her own daughter. Onlookers have no idea what’s going on. They see a seemingly nice mother trying to help her daughter. They believe the stories that the narcissist spreads, and come to believe the daughter is the problem. In private, the daughter is frustrated by the abuse, which makes her mother’s false allegations seem believable when she tries to stand up for herself. If she shows anger or sadness, the narcissist mother is quick to tell others than she is “out of control” or “bi-polar.” Many times that “bi-polar” behavior is a reaction to years of abuse and only shows up when the narcissist is instigating¬†a fight. The narcissist mother will pick at the daughter then blame her for reacting.

More aggressive narcissistic mothers will drop the pretend concern and go straight to trashing their daughters. They often make up elaborate stories and portray their daughters as druggies, delinquents or as being out of control. The daughter doesn’t stand a chance because she’s been smeared so long that her family doesn’t actually see her for who she is. The narcissist has successfully alienated her from her family…and often anyone who might help her with the abuse. Many daughters of narcissist realize that they have lost their entire family, and the mother’s campaign against them has been so thorough that no one wants to hear the daughter’s side.

4 thoughts on “Narcissist mothers and family alienation

  1. Oh. My. God! You JUST told me entire life story with my cover narcissistic psychopathic mother!
    I have had seven spinal surgeries. Due to this I got addicted to prescription pain medications. I knew I had a problem, never hid it, begged for help for years until, finally, after a near overdose that sent me to intensive care, I finally received the help I so desperately craved and went to rehab in December of 2007. Because I wanted it so badly, it only took one trip to rehab to get it. I have been drug free since then. But when you are dealing with an entire narc family, they use all your past problems, mistakes and bad decisionson to use against you in the present. My narc mother has a SERIOUS problem with spending money. She is always blowing my parents money then playing the victim to everyone to “borrow” ( I say that word borrow loosely because you will never see it again) to get her out of trouble.
    Since I got well, both my parents have found a doctor that will prescribe lots of heavy duty narcotics for their seemingly minor “medical ailments”. Very strong medications that are totally unnecessary but because the ” doctor prescribed ” them they can hide the fact that they are both full blown drug addicts. The medications are so many and so strong that I went myself and bought them a $100 tamper proof safe to keep them in for two reasons; I never wanted an opportunity to arise where I could be blamed for taking them and to keep them away from my small children. I also refused a key to their house and refused to know the combination to open the garage. I THOUGHT I had covered everything. Little did I know the strength of a narcs accusations. I had no idea that my mother was setting me up for the smear campaign that was coming. You see, when a narc is doing things they know still make them look bad, they go proactive in their assaults. They started setting up situations that will make you look bad while your thinking everything is just fine.
    After a certain period of spending to much money and, not only coming to me for money, but also going behind my back to get money from my husband, my mother came to me with yet another sob story needing to “borrow” $1000. This time I flat refused. She never gave a damn that she was taking our hard earned money that we made to care for our children and never even bothered to repay us. What made it even worse was the fact that my parents made $1500 more a month than my husband and I put together! And they only had each other to take care of, we had three children to support! So, this time I got very angry. I told her I wanted all their finances and I was going to sort it out for good. I then called my siblings to inform them we were all going to have to handle their finances or she was going to bankrupt them. Well, little did I know that my narc mother had already been building her case against me. She had been telling everyone that I was back on drugs and had been breaking into their house while they were gone and stealing their drugs. It didn’t matter that I was not exhibiting any signs of drug abuse what so ever it that I was not only taking care of my family but my parents as well or that I hadn’t done a single thing to make anyone suspicious of me or that I had no way to get in their house or get into that safe once I was in that house, narcs know that all they have to do is plant the idea into others minds and they are home free. My narc mother convinced all of them not to believe me because I was back on drugs and that I was lying to cover up everything I was doing. She fed this frenzy to the point that my entire family betrayed and abandoned me during one of the most crucial times in my life. To this day I have nothing to do with any of them.
    It still never ceases to amaze me how these creatures can actually make sound people believe their lies, even when their is no proof at all in what they are saying.
    Beware all of you in any relationship with a narc. Do not ever let them know anything personal about you that they can use on the future to destroy you because, given the right opportunity. They will take it and exploit it and you will be left standing there wondering how you ever ended up in this situation.

  2. Daughters are not exclusive victims in the Narcissistic mother. If they have issues with important males in their lives, like fathers, step-fathers, spouses and the like, they may be prone to taking their angst out on their male children.

  3. My mother was no narc but my narc sister has alienated me from my brothers and her own daughter, who used to treat me like her favorite aunt but now doesn’t acknowledge Christmas presents I send her. I don’t know how far back it goes so have no idea what kind of things have been said about me or for how long, just that it’s obvious that they have. I have distanced myself from my sister by not communicating if it is avoidable but I know this will just be interpreted, and passed on to others, as me being the problem. However, so be it if it saves me having to have her in my life any more.

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