When I was growing up with a narcissist mother, she had absolutely no respect for me as a human being. None. She didn’t care what I did, what I knew, what I had to say, what I liked to do, how I felt, what I was doing in school, who I spent time with…. Nothing. I was a pretty smart kid and I read a LOT to try to daydream and escape the nightmare at home. I learned a lot and knew a lot of things that my mother did not know–even as a child. She was one of those people who has no interest in learning anything new and she dismissed anything I tried to tell her. She wasn’t interested in hearing my excitement when I talked about things I’d learned. And if there was something I knew that she didn’t know, she just dismissed my knowledge as worthless since it wasn’t hers.
In my twenties, I earned a diploma in one major and a Bachelors degree in another–with a 4.0 average. I was chosen as the outstanding student in my major. While I was earning my degree, I was also working and buying a house at a young age, (22.) But to my mother, I was just a kid. Since I was younger than her, nothing I said matter. She would literally wave her hand in the air to show that she didn’t care about anything I said. I could earn a PhD in a topic she knew nothing about, and she’d still ignore me and insist she was right. She could not respect me as a fellow adult with education and achievement.
I continued into my thirties. I earned more money than her, I continued reading dozens of books every year, I kept moving up and achieving more. But to my mother, I was still a worthless kid and nothing I said, did or thought had any value. I could state an outright, undeniable and easily proven fact and she’d still refuse to accept that I might actually have something meaningful to say. In my mid thirties, she was still dismissing my words and thoughts, mocking my goals, overriding my parenting plans and running my life her way.
You will never be a capable adult to a narcissist parent because then they’d have to admit that you might know or be able to do something they can’t do. And no narcissist wants to admit that! I could win a Nobel prize, and she’d still look down on me like I had nothing of any value to say.
Narcissists have very little respect for anyone and they look at others with disdain, but they especially do it to their children–even adult children.