I wanted to share a little bit about my story today to emphasize that life DOES get better after narcissistic abuse!
I grew up with a narcissistic mother, but I didn’t know it until later. I wanted to escape her so badly, I jumped into a relationship when I was 19. It wasn’t necessarily abusive, but there were issues. I was very codependent and was basically taking care of him. I wanted something better. In my late 20’s, someone swept me off my feet and pushed me to move across the country for him. He soon became very controlling and I was walking on eggshells because he was angry all the time over little things. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, yet I held on because the beginning of the relationship was so romantic and I clung to that part instead of accepting the reality that he was bad news. After two years of my worshiping him and trying to get him to like me back and return to the man who dazzled me, he discarded me and I had no idea what was going on.
I went to therapy, realized that I had married a narcissist like my mother and determined I would not let that happen again. In my early 30’s, I met someone far more “ideal,” yet less attractive and less romantic. I felt like I was much more practical this time. Within weeks, he was far more abusive than anything I could have imagined. Not only had I attracted another narcissist, but this one was a sociopath as well. The marriage therapist told me he was sick and I had to leave. I believed her! I ended that marriage very quickly and determined I would have no contact.
I left in a state of shock. I tried telling people what had happened–how this charmer was really a Jekyll and Hyde. Many of our acquaintances knew already, but had no idea how severe it really was. I needed all the emotional support I could get. I was dealing with PTSD and reached out for help anywhere I could. I just kept telling my story over and over in shock. Then came the smear campaign….
I was a normal person with poor boundaries, but he was an experienced lying, charming sociopath. My trying to tell people what happened was no match for his experience. He convinced nearly everyone that knew us that I was lying and crazy and that he was the victim. I tried so hard to tell people the truth! But, I didn’t have the calm, cold stealth that he had. I was broken and shocked and emotional. He ripped apart my life and took nearly every “friend” I had and I still kept trying to get people to see the truth.
I spent every day in a slump angry and sad that this monster had destroyed so much of my life and was getting away with it–in fact, getting ahead with it by stealing my “friends” and social life.
I finally had to accept the hard truth that no one cared about the fact that he’d abused me and no one cared about justice except me. Plus…justice was not coming. I hit rock bottom. So many victims of narcissists hit this point where we are just sick physically and emotionally from the weight of the narcissist’s games. We want the truth to be heard, but no one listens. That’s when I finally started learning and realizing what I should have known and done all along. Obviously what I was doing was not working.
That was the day life started getting better. I am now 2.5 years sociopath free and life is great! It’s better than it was before I met the narcopath. I am stronger, wiser and smarter than I ever knew I could be. All those cliches about the bad times making you stronger are true! And I see it now, but a couple years ago I never would have believed it.
I have written three short eBooks about my experiences, what I learned and how to recognize these types of men. I am now working on a longer book about what I did to snap out of the dark depression I was in after going no contact. This is already getting to be a super long post, but I just wanted to say it DOES get better! I’m excited about the book I’m working on because I’m excited about my life and my future again 🙂