A relationship where the other person is not considerate of you, your needs, your desires and your feelings is not a good relationship worth keeping. You deserve better!
In my last post about Fifty Shades of Grey, I wrote about Christian’s controlling behavior over Ana–telling her how to eat and behave. This time, I will continue into the book with a focus on how inconsiderate he is. All quotes come from James, E L (2011-05-25). Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, Book 1). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
*Warning* I am not quoting much of the sexual parts of the book, but there may be a couple instances for examples.
I left off at the beginning of chapter six when Ana finds herself waking up in Christian’s hotel room with no idea how she got there. He spends a lot of the chapter berating her about what she did/didn’t eat and her getting drunk the night before. When it’s time for him to drive her home, they share a steamy kiss in the elevator, but he immediately withdraws and confuses her: “I glance at him. Christian is his usual polite, slightly distant self. How confusing”(p. 80). He doesn’t care that he just gave her a mixed signal. He just turns right off and shows no more interest in her. She later thinks to herself, “I flush at the memory of his mouth on mine, and the thought that I’d been unable to touch him enters my mind. I wanted to run my fingers through his decadent, untidy hair, but I’d been unable to move my hands. I am retrospectively frustrated.” (pp. 82-83). He wants to be able to touch her whenever he chooses, but he doesn’t give her the right to reciprocate for equal enjoyment, nor does he care.
As they drive to her home, they make shallow conversation, and she asks him to call her Ana because she prefers it. He immediately ignores her wishes and calls her Anastasia again. Then, he drops her off at her apartment even though she never told him where she lived. Creepy. “He pulls up outside my duplex. I belatedly realize he’s not asked me where I live— yet he knows. But then he sent the books; of course he knows where I live. What able, cell phone– tracking, helicopter-owning stalker wouldn’t?”(p. 82). Not only is he disrespectful of her emotions and her desire to be called Ana, but he’s stalked her so closely, he knows where she lives and how to get there.
Christian tells Ana they are going to meet at his home in Seattle, and he’s going to fly her there by helicopter. Ana is afraid to tell her friend Kate about it, though: “For some strange reason, she doesn’t trust him, maybe because he’s so stiff and formal. She says she can’t put her finger on it, but I have promised to text her when I arrive in Seattle. I haven’t told her about the helicopter; she’d freak” (p. 85). This is a red flag! If your more assertive friends with better boundaries don’t trust your new love interest, it might be time to pay attention. Furthermore, if you have to hide or lie about your dates, something is wrong!
When Ana is at Christian’s home later, she learns that he expects her to sign a non-disclosure agreement about their “relationship.” She immediately agrees because she is so in lust with him even though it feels wrong to her: “‘I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do, Christian.’ And as I say the words, I don’t quite feel their conviction, because at this moment in time, I’d probably do anything for this man seated beside me” (p. 92). She knows she is doing something she doesn’t want to do, but he’s so sexy, attractive, charming and rich, she blindly ignores her own inner voice.
Then she finds out he is a “dominant.” The problem here is not with the BDSM, but with his behavior before they even agree to it, and the underlying mental instability that makes it the only way he can enjoy sex or “intimacy.” Ana becomes nervous and thinks “He likes to hurt women. The thought depresses me” (p. 100). She doesn’t like what he’s revealed, but she still wants him: “Kate had said he was dangerous; she was so right. How did she know? He’s dangerous to my health, because I know I’m going to say yes. And part of me doesn’t want to. Part of me wants to run screaming from this room and all it represents. I am so out of my depth here”(p. 101). Even though she wants to “run screaming,” and she thinks he is dangerous, she still decides to agree to things she doesn’t like just to keep him around. Pathetic!!! And what does she get out of it? Besides a hot guy who doesn’t want a relationship like she wants? “He shrugs and looks almost apologetic. ‘Me,’ he says simply (p. 101). He’s so arrogant, that he doesn’t consider her needs or wants and thinks that just getting used by him without equal consideration is a prize.
Chapter 7 ends with Ana telling Christian she is a virgin which causes him to get angry:”‘You’re a virgin?’ he breathes. I nod, flushing again. He closes his eyes and looks to be counting to ten. When he opens them again, he’s angry, glaring at me. ‘Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?’ he growls” (p. 108). Gosh, how romantic! Doesn’t every woman want to lose her virginity to an angry man who doesn’t think she deserves a relationship or anything more than “fucking?” So romantic. Not! He begins chapter 8 by claiming “‘We’re going to rectify the situation right now.’ ‘What do you mean? What situation?’ ‘Your situation. Ana, I’m going to make love to you, now.'” (p. 110). So…he doesn’t care that it’s her body or that it could be an emotional or even painful experience for her; it’s just a “situation” that inconveniences him so he’s going to fix it. Without any thought about what it might mean to her.
He begins this oh-so-romantic scene by being possessive: “he grasps my hair at the nape in a fist and pulls gently, holding me in place. I cannot move my head. I am pinioned beneath him, helpless. “You are mine,’ he whispers. ‘Only mine. Don’t forget it.'”(p. 119). Then without taking his time Ana tells us that she loses her virginity when, “he slams into me. ‘Aargh!’ I cry as I feel a weird pinching sensation” (pp. 116-117). Not exactly the most thoughtful or considerate moment for her, but he didn’t stop to care about anything except the “situation” that was an annoyance to him.
And so begins the real reason woman are reading the book…lots of sex scenes. I’ll continue in the next blog–not about the BDSM, but about the crazy behavior outside of it!