There is hope, recovery, and peace after narcissistic abuse!
So many of us say that recovering from a narcissist is much harder than recovering from a regular break-up. It’s true! In a bad relationship, you might fight with your partner, but when you are with a narcissist, they are tearing your life apart. And they continue even after the relationship is over. With a narcissist, you will experience someone with no soul, no conscience, no love, nothing good whatsoever. Just facades, masks and completely selfish behavior. And of course, after all you go through with them, they turn it around and blame YOU for their behavior, then work to convince everyone you know that you are crazy.
I tried so hard to get others to understand. We didn’t just “not get along.” He was raging, screaming, controlling, dismissing, denying, taking and going insane nearly all day every day. I was left in a state of shock. It sickened me that he did all those horrible things and got away with it. I tried telling people what I went through, and he made himself the victim claiming I was slandering him. He turned my friends against me. He turned acquaintances against me. He got other narcissists to take his side and attack me. I woke up every day and the first thing I thought of was the hell I was going through. I was hung up on the injustice of all this evil going on around me without his ever being held accountable. Not only was he not held accountable, but people were giving him sympathy and joining his war against me. How in the world do you keep trying every day knowing that your life is being taken from you!?! That’s where my recovery got stuck.
Then one night, I went out for coffee with a man I met at a live show. I thought he was pretty good looking and definitely interesting. I would have liked to have stayed in touch for friendship at least. But after I got home, I realized that I had blabbered to him about the terror I was dealing with with the ex narcopath. I never heard back. I realized that, even though every word I’d said was true, I sounded like a crazy woman because no man wants to hear just how crazy my ex is! That was my first light bulb moment.
Soon after, one of my ex’s enablers launched an online firestorm against me and I watched as dozens of lies were posted about me in a mutual forum for a club that my ex and I were both in. I watched the hatred and persistence of these ill-informed women who had never met me yet were dedicated to destroying me like, well, mindless flying monkeys on a mission. They didn’t care about truth. They didn’t care about the fact that they were delivering the lines that were fed to them. They didn’t care that they were doing the bidding of a man who had a terrible reputation long before he met me. I realized then that the narcissistic sociopath ex was not going to stop. It wasn’t fair, but standing my ground and fighting was not worth it. I left that forum. I left that club. I deleted nearly every person I knew who was in that club, I cut off almost all mutual acquaintances and I will never go back. I will never again put myself in a position where my ex narcopath can get news about me through the grapevine and a position where he will want to keep smearing me to hide his own behavior. I said NO, and I was done for good. The end.
I learned a lot of hard truths during the time I was trying to tell the truth about what happened to me and defend myself against the ex. It was time to accept them. I turned my anger about the injustice another direction and started this page. I wrote my three eBooks and started working on more. I made it positive. But, I also accepted that the old life had to end because I was powerless to get people to hear and believe my words. I simply cannot get those people to see the truth. So, I changed MY direction instead. That was the day I began to heal.
Surviving and recovering from a narcissist isn’t about what is fair. It is about what is real. Accepting that something horrible happened and it wasn’t fair and it’s never going to be fair is the first step on a journey towards recovering instead of getting stuck on the injustice. One of my eBooks is about all the hard, but real truth I had to learn and accept about narcissistic abuse. It’s called the Warm Hard Truth.
This is exactly what i am trying to get to grips with, the injustices of the whole thing, i was married 34 years before i left because even though i knew there was something wring with my husband he was such a fake i was getting told left and right how lucky i was to have him, he made my life a misery he was a liar sneaky, porn addict,abuser,blamed me for everything,but out side he was a angel ,he moved right on to a new woman,now its me who is being cast as the witch because he is such a gentle man that had to get himself a new woman because i was the bad one, no one believes me when i try to tell what he is really like, they think its me because i dont act like a angel plus they think i am just saying it because he has a new woman,its not the case i just feel its all so unfair he is getting of scott free pulling the wool over every ones eyes plus smearing my name to every one when i did nothing