Narcissists often target people who have been abused before or people who have a poor support system. They know that people who have a lot of concerned friends and family members are more likely to be protected and supported, as well as helped and advised during an abusive relationship. For example, a lot of people–women in particular–feel like they can’t leave an abusive relationship because they have nowhere to turn and no way to support themselves and their children. They fear being left alone and sometimes think the abusive narcissist is better than nothing. This is exactly what the narcissist or abuser wants! A woman with a strong support system is not going to feel as trapped if she knows she has loving friends and family to turn to.
Even if the target does have caring friends or family, the narcissist will work to isolate the target. Narcissists might talk their victims into moving far from home, or giving up their jobs. I have had had this happen with both narcissists I married. The first wanted me to move 2500 miles from my home, and didn’t want me to have a job. He said I shouldn’t have to work and he wanted to be the breadwinner. Well, I’d been supporting myself since I was 14 and had missed out on a lot of the fun things people get to do, so that actually sounded pretty nice! It turns out, it was not nice. It meant that he held the finances over my head and belittled me for not contributing. It also meant that if I wanted to leave, I had no way out. I couldn’t just pack up and walk out the door when I didn’t have money or know anyone within a couple thousand miles! The second narcissist I married wanted me to move to another state where neither of us knew anyone, because he said my family was a bad influence. He also wanted me to give up all of my male friends and many of my female friends. Any friend who tried to tell me how dangerous he was, was deemed trouble and I was ordered to cut them out of my life. I was forced to delete most of my Facebook friends and change my phone number, so a couple of the men who were trying to convince me I was with an abuser wouldn’t be able to contact me. The narcissist told me those friends were dangerous to our marriage and just trying to break us up.
Sometimes, he really did convince me that a friend was bad news and that it was my friend who was dangerous and not the narcissist. For example, one of my friends used to interact with me a lot on Facebook and join a lot of conversations with me. My narcissist ex convinced me that the friend was stalking me and was a threat. The narcissist was able to use real “proof” to make me believe he was right. (I wrote a few days ago about how the narcissist can frame innocent behaviors and make them look malicious.) Even when I knew I was with an abusive person, I still fell for some of his manipulation!
The narcissist wants to turn you against, or at least separate you from anyone who can help you or see that something is wrong. It is easier for a narcissist to brainwash you, abuse you and control you when there is no one looking out for you and you have nowhere to turn. They like to poison relationships in general so they can have all of your attention and use all of their power over you.
5 thoughts on “The Narcissist wants to turn you against your friends and family”
yep this is exactly what has happened to me. I recently befriended a narcissist at work and have been totally taken in by them. They got in my head and told me to be weary of certain people and made me think differently about them and cut them out. Well eventually the narc has turned on me, several times in fact and i am now public enemy number 1. She has gone round talking about me to other collegues and i can tell some people act rudely and different towards me. She has been very clever about it she knows the right people to manipulate.There were a couple of people i was friends with that i had doubts about as they were unhealthy friendship and i was stepping away from – well the narc has used this as a golden opportunity to attack and has befriended these people as my relationships were already vunerable with them she has be saying all sorts to them.
Its been really hard as i have worked here for 7 years almost and she was only a temp. I am trying to get through it as she is leaving in a few weeks. I grew up with a narc family and have worked on this and didn’t think i would get caught out again I have lost alot of confidence and it has made me feel very isolated. Buti am definatley going to be more aware now and make sure i educate myself more on bounderies and spotting the signs of these people and who i let in.
Im so tired that i cant even begin to explain how i am being isloted and my life is being destroyed by these kind of people. I call them demons who have been an isgnment from satan. Jealous unconscious demons who stop at nothing. They even have my past pastors trying to shame and guilt me so i give into the narcissist they believe is the victim. I had a child at age 11 because i was abused by a narcissist my mother hid it and gave up the baby to be adopted. She then chose her husband who did the abusing my step father over me. Now that child grew up and now is much older 11 years younger then me has come into my life to rape my mind with narcissism. I am strong and hanging in, i refuse to change the strength i have. I do admit its tiring. I recieved death threats, and have been smeared because i refuse to speak to these people . it seems the pastors want me ro return to church just to falsely humilate me with lies. I will never return to church or any church. I dont believe in the bible anymore but i do believe in God something bigger then us. If anyone can direct me to private investigator who is well seasoned on narcissism please let me know. I am ready to fight for my right to joy.
My family is like this. It very sad. I cant stand being around them. There A downer and draining as all get out. One tells me she want to get along and still bashes me behind my back and our whole family. We will never get peace at all. 2 SISTER KEEP DOING THIS. They wont stop at nothing. This all started because of my dad death. 2014 Stealing lie greedy. Abusive and violent. No thanks I walk away 4 years ago. It has been hard. There not even likeable people at all. Low self esteem and jealous as all get out all of them 5 kids there all adult going on 7th grade.
Oh my, this is all new to me or I’m just now realizing how many idiots I’ve actually dealt with in my life. It didn’t even occur to me that behavior had a name..besides idiot. TRUST NO ONE! When you can’t even trust your family, who do you trust? Nobody. You don’t have to have some jerk isolate you, do it before they come around.