The predator who just wants to “help” you and appears to be nice

narcsignsshadow Several years ago, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant by a guy who ran and has refused to be involved. He was a known jerk in my social circle, but had flattered me very well for a while before he started being just as jerky with me as he was with everything else. During that time, another acquaintance that I didn’t know well, but did know as a friend of several friends, began trying to be my friend. He claimed he wanted to help me through a rough time. I didn’t hesitate to accept his friend request. I knew him casually, and many of my friends were friendly with him. He seemed genuine and caring.

On Facebook, he initiated chats with me very regularly and kept telling me how caring and empathetic he was. Sometimes he got into sexually suggestive territory and I’d feel creeped out. I would change the topic, but felt obligated to keep letting him be my “friend.” (Oh, I am sooo over that feeling of obligation now!) This man was a senior citizen and quite frankly, sloppy and gross. He was married, although I never saw his wife anywhere, and he had daughters my age and older. He started to seem very smarmy with his declarations of being a caring person juxtaposed with his sexually harassing comments. I began to avoid him and ignore most of his chats and eventually deleted him as a friend. When I deleted him, he sent me a sugary sweet message wondering why and, again, claiming to care for me as a friend in need. He asked me to re-friend him. I did against my better judgement.

Soon, the creepy chat messages started up again. He told me that he “wanted to make love to a pregnant woman the same age as [his] daughter.” I was thoroughly disgusted and I was pissed off that this guy thought it was okay to talk to me like that. I blocked him and even wrote a note on Facebook about how I’d just let someone violate me because I was so poor at setting boundaries and being assertive. I still shudder at the thought of that pig! Recently, I even wrote a blog about that experience and how some men will sexually harass vulnerable women, but would never dream of doing the same to a stronger woman. I do NOT blame myself for that misogynist old pig’s behavior, but I do recognize that he thought I was an easy target. Screw that! I don’t want to be an easy target for a horny old jerk!

Tonight, this man has been engaging on a post on a mutual friend’s Facebook page. It is a post about sexuality, and although I have the creeper blocked, I can see by the context that he is portraying himself as a good man who respects women. Yeah right!

This is just another tactic of a predator. One, he has two faces. Two, he knows how to target a vulnerable woman. Three, he claims to be a helpful empath. I suspect I am not the first woman he’s sexually harassed, but most of our friends would never believe it, because a lot of them are strong women who don’t take that nonsense. Clearly, he saw me as someone who would. They know how to target people who will make good victims….

I know not all people who are victimized by a narcissist lack good boundaries like I did, but for those of us who are repeatedly singled out by jerks, it often is a boundary problem, or a lack of assertiveness. This guy would have never gone after certain other types of women, but he knew I was a wimp. Key word: WAS

I am working on not being that type of victim anymore, and I write about it a lot in my recovery blog Life As You Make It. I have recognized in myself many things that have made me an easy target, but also many related fears and qualities that have made me miss out on success and achievements. My recovery from narcissist abuse has evolved into learning to be an assertive, strong, thoughtful person in many ways. For that, I am grateful! No more predators!


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