Instead of worrying about what the narcissist did to you, think about healing yourself

Change Your Words, Change Your Life: Understanding the Power of Every Word You Speak

A few weeks ago, I bought this book that I just love! I’ve been slowly reading it in my spare time, and it’s filled with so much great wisdom. It isn’t about narcissists, but it is, as the title says, about the power of our words–including their power to make us and others feel good or bad, and their power to effect our feelings.

(Just a warning, this is a religious, Christian book in case that is not your thing.)

Tonight I came across a quote that really spoke to me:

“It is not the truth about someone else that will make me free, it is the truth about me that will make me free”

I really like this quote as it I can apply it to recovering from narcissistic abuse. As I’ve said before, a big step on the way to recovery is acceptance that this situation is just not fair. So many of us, (or at least I,) get stuck waiting for justice. The narcissist has done something horrible to us, and we want to see them be held accountable! Rarely does that happen, at least not right away. So if we sit and wait for it to happen before we can heal, we are going to be miserable for a very long time. At one point, after waking up every day mad about what my ex narcopath did to me, I had to just stop. I was stuck in a rut and I had to tell myself “no more.” Now when my thoughts start to turn to wallowing in my anger and how unfair this all was, I simply have to change my thoughts and think about something more productive.

And that’s where this quote relates to recovery from narcissistic abuse! I know the truth about my ex narcopath, but waiting for others to see it is not going to help me. It’s not going to set me free from my pain after the abuse. So, forget thinking about that narcissist all the time…how about I think about me? No wait, I don’t mean think about me as in becoming like a narcissist. No way! I mean think about me as in focusing on learning about myself and why I attracted this person, as well as how I need to grow to recover and move on from this person. I can’t fix the narcissist; I can only fix myself. Taking control of my life and my thoughts is what will set me free. I know the author wasn’t focusing on this specific type of situation when she wrote her quote, but the idea applies well.

I have reviewed parts of this book on my other blog, (which isn’t about narcissism, but is about gaining boundaries and learning to thrive in life,) and I think it might be helpful for other survivors who need to work on redirecting negative thoughts and find a way to think more positively.

One thought on “Instead of worrying about what the narcissist did to you, think about healing yourself

  1. I’m still in the marriage and wokring towards leaving because I can’t stand another single day of continual, unrelenting abuse and although I have a plan, unfortunately I’m not in a position to just walk out so I need to plan my exit. When a Narcissist is in a rage nothing much will stop them unless the police are knocking on the door, and my goodness me, Dr Jekyll is back in a flash with some sob story or other, and even more unfortunately, Narcissism is not widely known, I for one had never ever heard of it. It makes me very sad to read your stories but uplifting to when I hear someone has escaped. There is an aftermath, how can there not be after years of abuse, but you escaped! You’ve been to the bottom of what you thought was a bottomless pit and the only way left is up, ying yang. So my congratulations to all of you who escaped your mad chaotic sadistic world and welcome to your new and wonderful world, you can breathe again, no more butterflies in your tummy every time the Narc is around, you can sleep safely and most of smile without the Narc accusing you of smiling at someone! Roll on the day I walk away.

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