I started this page about ten months ago because I had to leave my past life behind. My ex narcopath had been tormenting me for several years, stalking me online, stalking my friends and family, and working hard to charm anyone and everyone so he could shrink what little support system I had left. I knew he would never stop, so I cut all ties with everyone who talked to him, and nearly everyone else that I knew he would eventually solicit. And I was right. If he knew I had a friend or acquaintance, no matter how casual, he was on them–charming them as slowly or quickly as they could be charmed until they thought he was a prince and I was an evil monster.
And yet I still needed to be able to talk long after I had no one else to talk to. I went through pure hell, and having my former “friends,” turn to the abuser’s side made things far worse at a time when I was daily wishing my life would end. I had PTSD, so the memories of the abuse haunted me consistently from the time I woke up and through my dreams. It was like a heavy weight on my life.
Since I’d learned most people in my life were not actually my friends, or even very nice people, I decided I wanted to educate others who were clueless about sociopaths and validate people like me who were living through hell with no one to hear them. So I started saying everything I needed the people (formerly) in my life to hear, knowing they would never hear it or care, but that somewhere out there, someone else would hear it, and would either learn something, or realize they weren’t alone. I was able to save my voice and take back my power by re-directing my pain.
At the same time, the narcopath had ripped my life to shreds. He’d destroyed my finances as I cleaned up after him, charmed all my friends, left me with nightmares…. I was depressed, but not having a support system only made it worse. The depression and PTSD made it hard for me to work, and to even care if I got to work. I went from being the top ranked person in my department to being the woman with terrible attendance. I ended up losing my job, which was a relief by that time. But, I also had expensive therapy and legal costs, as well as children to support. We all know that narcissists will almost never pay child support willingly unless there is something in it for them! My ex has dodged reporting jobs or has quit/been fired from jobs every single time we tried to get adequate child support. I am working again, but still recovering from the losses.
So, I do put ads on this site, and I do use affiliate ads to link to books I really like, and I do sell my eBooks. It doesn’t earn a lot, but it does cover the cost of the site and hosting. I have yet to see any extra, but it would be helpful. I have upcoming legal expenses necessary to protect my kids from the abuser, and I have a lot of old debt from dealing with the abuser and trying to survive without a job and child support. It is my dream to get out of debt so I can go back to school and earn a PhD in psychology. I want to write longer, more academic books and work to help other survivors out there, as well as educate the public in general about sociopaths. For many of us, we weren’t the least bit prepared to deal with a predator and the hurricane they bring into our lives, nor were our “friends” prepared to protect themselves from the charm, or offer us the support we desperately needed.
I cannot set up a GoFundMe campaign for fear of my ex narcopath finding out, but I would really appreciate it if anyone chooses to purchase my eBooks or purchase books through my Amazon affiliate links. I have attorney fees coming up, and I’m not sure how I will pay them other than through a miracle.
Also, for others who struggle financially, I’d like to recommend doing surveys. I have been doing various online surveys for a going on a year, and have managed to bring in a fair amount of spending money to help out. They don’t pay much for hour, but it’s something you can do from home in your spare time. I do them while I watch TV, and I think it’s reasonable to say that once you get used to it, you could average $5 a day. Not huge, but it adds up. I have written some blogs about my progress on survey sites if anyone wants to look into it.
One thought on “Why I started this page and my goals”
I was drawn by the hoesnty of what you write