Blocking and de-friending narcissists on Facebook

Like many people, I have a personal Facebook account, and like many people who have dealt with narcopaths, I have a pretty long list of people I’ve blocked. Many of them are flying monkeys, some of them are enablers, some of them are plain old bullies and some of them are people who show what I now know to be clear signs of narcissism. The narcopath and his monkeys think this is hilarious and love to make fun of me for blocking them. In fact, they post about how I blocked them far more than I ever think of them. Some of them seem very obsessed with the fact that I blocked them. Why is this? Because it angers them that they can no longer affect me or see what I say. They have lost some sense of control, and losing control over a target frustrates and enrages a narcissist. Blocking someone is placing a boundary between yourself and their bad behavior, and they just don’t like that!

My ex narcopath, like all narcissists, knows no boundaries. If someone declines his friend request, he sends an angry message demanding to know why. If someone defriends him, he sends an even angrier messaged demanding they re-add him. If they block him, he seeks them out in person and pushes them to unblock him. This is just not healthy behavior in any way. He’s extremely persistent. If someone declines his request, he keeps sending it over and over until they either accept it or block him. He shows absolutely no respect for a person’s choices, boundaries, or right to privacy. A healthy person might send a polite note inquiring if everything was okay, but they certainly do not send what one of my friends called a “nasty-gram.” A person with healthy boundaries who respects others would simply honor the other person’s option to decline a friend request, de-friend or block.

So back to the monkeys and other sketchy people I have blocked…. They act in a similar manner. Why not just accept that I have chosen not to interact with them? That’s what most of us would do even if it left us disappointed, (assuming we have a genuine interest in someone, which of course, a narcissist would never have anyway!) Yet these monkeys are simply obsessed with the fact that I have blocked them. For one, it tells them that there is a problem with the way they act, and a narcissist doesn’t like any implication that something is wrong with them or that THEY are the problem. Two, they can no longer control the situation. Can’t you just imagine narcissists turning red and throwing a tantrum when someone blocks them? 😉

Here’s what I have to say about blocking people on Facebook:

You are not obligated to give people insight into your life or your decisions. You are not obligated to be their “friend” or to allow them to see your posts. We all have a right to determine for ourselves what we will and will not tolerate. We determine our boundaries–and no one has any business trying to push through them or ignore them. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, and if nasty posts on Facebook bring unnecessary stress into your life, you don’t have to put up with them and you don’t have to feel guilty about that!

And what I say to the flying monkeys who go on and on about the fact that I blocked them:

No one is obligated to like you, be your friend or even want to see your posts. No one is obligated to deliver their posts to you. We all have a right to determine for ourselves what we will and will not tolerate. We determine our boundaries–not you.

Respect boundaries. If someone declines your friend request or de-friends you, respect their choices. Don’t send nasty grams or try to bully them into being your “friend.” Don’t go up to them in real life and badger them to unblock you or friend you. Don’t send third parties to pester them. Boundaries.

YOUR life. YOUR boundaries.  

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