Very recently, I met a new person on Facebook who wanted to talk to me regarding our common experiences with narcissists. Within a few days, I suspected he was a narcissist. Tonight, I realized he was a full-out sociopath and was pulling pretty much the same classic sociopath tricks that my ex narcopath used! Fortunately, I was not interested in this person, and only responded to his messages because I am open to educating and validating others who have dealt with predators. Also fortunately, I’m not the same naive girl I was when I met the narcopath and the lines still worked on me!
I wrote a blog a couple days ago about how I was seeing predatory signs in this guy, and realized it was boundary time! I put it on my recovery blog about learning healthy and safe behaviors, but with further correspondence with the potential predator, I’m “upgrading” my red flags on him and expanding the story here!
First some back story: when I met my ex narcopath, I was a lonely and desperate single mom. I wanted to meet someone very badly, and after my childhood with no real family, I wanted to find a family of my own. That longing made me vulnerable, and it made me a target. When the narcopath started pushing really hard and violating boundaries that most women would have had, his games worked on me. He called me his soulmate nearly immediately–even before our first official date. Within under a week, he was talking about moving to my town because the housing costs were so good. I was charmed and dazzled! He seemed like the perfect match, and he wanted to move quickly. I wouldn’t be alone much longer!
BIG. FLASHING. RED. LIGHT. STOP. STOP. STOP.
But I didn’t know any better back then. Most women probably would have…but that’s exactly why the narcissist was feeding at least a dozen other women the same lines at the same time. He was trying to move way too fast, and most women would have recognized how crazy that was. But, if a predator is fishing with a bunch of lines at the same time, he’s more likely to get a naive person. And that was me. There is nothing sincere about these people. They are playing a numbers game to find the person with weak boundaries who will fall for their crap. We are all hearing the same “romantic” lines, and the narc is moving too fast with all of us.
(I am going to use “he” because I have dated male narcs.)
The narcissist needs an ego boost and his narcissistic supply. He’s gotta move fast to get the new target, so he’s looking far and wide, and he doesn’t care about anything but the next hit. He’s like a druggie who doesn’t care what he gets or how he gets it, as long as someone responds.
It reminds me of a show I really like, (and it’s hard to believe it’s been so long since it originally aired!) There’s an episode of Angel with a demon who has to get a new body to stay alive. He moves from body to body having one night stands. One night, he doesn’t get a body as fast as usual, so he’s starting to decay. He gets very frantic and desperate and is willing to jump into anyone just to stay alive. He’s speed dating and hitting on people left and right while his skin is starting to peel off because he needs the next body so badly. When I think of a narc, and how they just go from person to person to person for supply, I always think of that episode called Lonely Heart.
So…back to this guy that has been sending me messages. His Facebook profile shows he is married, and it shows that his wife and he post on each other’s pages frequently. They have shared love messages in the past few days. So I asked the guy why he was telling me he was getting divorced when it sure didn’t look like his wife knew! He told me she was cruel and abusive, but was putting on a show for Facebook. He said at home, she wouldn’t talk to him. Then he told me she was a homicidal maniac with a bunch of guns, and she was very aggressive. He said he had to be careful about leaving her. I replied that if I was in danger, I’d leave quickly one day when she wasn’t home. At that point, I’d realized he was probably a predator, but I answered briefly a couple more times just to be sure.
His response? Yes, she was dangerous, but he didn’t want her to get his money. He started talking about tactics to keep that from happening. Ummm…okay. I know money is an issue for many of us, but if you think a homicidal maniac is going to kill you with a gun, who cares about losing your “millions” of dollars? (I I forgot to mention that he claims to be rich, and states that his wife makes good money.) This conversation was getting bizarre!
Then it came: he said that he was hoping to move to my area due to our good housing prices. WTF? I had heard that line before. He asked if I could show him around and go out with him. Umm…no.
So, because the guy had been trying to triangulate between myself and another woman, I asked her more about her experiences. Turns out, he had told her she was his soulmate…the day after they made friends on Facebook. He had offered to visit her as well, and many of the lines were exactly the same. This guy was sounding more and more like my ex narcopath. I 100% guarantee that he is fishing with more women. That’s what they do.
He’s casting a line anywhere he can–telling the same stories and hoping for a bite.
This time, it won’t be me.
And, I hope it won’t be YOU either!