Time and time again, I hear people making excuses for sociopaths. I’ve even had at least one woman tell me she is empathetic, so she can’t help but see the sociopath’s side with sympathy. I’ve debated with other people who claim that sociopaths had bad childhoods so we should feel sorry for them. And yet others think we can fix sociopaths. Let me tell you that all of those ideas–even though they are very nice–are naive and even dangerous. If you haven’t been run over by a sociopath, I cannot tell you enough that there is not one speck of goodness in them. None. And to pretend that there is hope is to make yourself a target. Not everyone believes in evil, but I do because I have seen it in action.
Maybe sociopaths did have abusive childhoods. But no matter what the cause, they are damaged to the point of no return now. They will manipulate, charm, use and hurt anyone and everyone, and they will NEVER feel any remorse. Don’t try to rationalize their behavior. It’s just evil. It’s soulless. It’s conscienceless. It’s heartless. It’s empty. No matter how many tragic things might have created the sociopath, the only reality that matters is that now they are dangerous to you. There is no excuse that is good enough to cover what they do to people.
Really, they are just evil.
Unfortunately, most people go through life without ever understanding how truly evil a sociopath is and that makes them vulnerable not only to being the sociopath’s victim but also to being an unknowing enabler. They give the benefit of the doubt, they give too many chances, they try to find reasonable explanations for unreasonable behavior. They keep giving sociopaths more chances without realizing what they are dealing with. An innocent person might even realize that the sociopath is kind of a jerk, but still give the benefit of the doubt. This lets the sociopath continue creating horror stories for the people who get close enough to realize the truth.
With today’s series of terror attacks in Paris, I have already read some online comments that are sympathetic to the people who committed these crimes and killed so many people. In the face of such horrible actions, there are still people in this world who will attempt to find empathy for the murderers–to believe that something bad must have made them do these things. I don’t care what happened to them at this point, because they became the human embodiment of pure evil, and nothing can ever excuse that.
Some people are truly just evil. And the sooner we accept that, the better we can protect ourselves. Perhaps this is a very negative point of view, but I have dealt with a sociopath, so I know how very real they are. Don’t let your empathy be used against you.
Dear Joanna, any wonder the Bible says over and over again to avoid these people. Like your blog, and adding it to my sidebar real soon.
you are right no other word for it but evil, i like a fool gave my ex the benefit of the doubt all the time and he just did it over and over again, my family who are fooled by him always tried to rationalize every thing he did and make excuses for his behavior , i now know me and them were treating him like a decent human so would give the benefit of doubt, after years of this it dawned on me he was having a good old laugh to himself at our stupidity and gullibility because he never learned by his mistake,s he just did the same thing again because he wanted to no other reason, when the light bulb went off i threw him out,within weeks he had a new girlfriend to he can start to fool her now,it just proved to me he cares about no one but himself, no surprise his mum was exactly the same as long as she had someone it did not matter if he had a wife and 5 kids living down the hill it was all about her, no other word for it evil
Do your self a favor (if you have not already) and read Scott Pecks “People of the Lie”
Narcissists lie about everything to control,our family narc told her husband early in her marriage she was molested by her dad.When she tried to alienate her husband from his family she told him his dad and his only brother make passes on her. This narc weights in at about 300 lbs,when her husband ask his brother about it,his reply was “I have been drunk before,but never that drunk” never believe anything a narc tells you.They are like a five year old,they will say anything to control,gain attention, and yes,even pity,in their sick mind,the more outrageous,the better.