***Just a big warning: while I usually try not to post too much about religion, this is a religious post and is mostly from my general Christian point of view.***
After dealing with a sociopath for 3.5 years, I think about good and evil, right and wrong, God and Satan, and other ethical issues quite a bit. For example, if a narcissist hurts everyone close to them and is without conscience or remorse, is it wrong for someone to be friends with them and to think they are fun to be with? I know many people who think my abusive sociopath ex is just sooo much fun to be with. Of course, they haven’t seen the real him. But is it moral for them to be friends with him as long as he’s not hurting them? Shouldn’t we shun evil and abuse?
I have been a Christian all my life. That’s just the way it was. When I was very young, I just thought everyone was. We weren’t regular church goers, but we did go from time to time, and the idea of God was normal in my home. I prayed every day and tried to do the right thing. I would often be given Church Resources to read up on, and I would learn my lessons like a good kid. I ended up going to Christian schools for a few years, and even a Christian college for a couple years. I did everything I was supposed to do, and I was squeaky clean. I thought that I was supposed to tell the truth, do the right thing, avoid hurting others. I thought that others were the same. How wrong I was. I thought God was taking care of me, but after years of being a good girl, I was smacked in the head by a sociopath.
One of the worst parts of it was watching normal people so easily believe the sociopath’s lies even when I had proof he was lying. After a while, his ability to charm people was so strong that I started wondering if he had some kind of demonic assistance. It was like magic. People would fall for his lies and ignore the truth. It was like they were hypnotized! Is this the demonic possession I’d read about in the Bible? Is this Satan at work? Working through the narcopath to do pure evil and get away with it?
I turned to faith even more. I turned to Christians for support and help understanding the situation and the evil that was attacking my life and my reputation. But, I mostly found hatred. Most of the Christians who knew both the abuser and me took his side. They thought he was the victim of my talking about the abuse, and they thought I was a horrible person for saying what happened. That began to destroy my faith. Aren’t Christians supposed to help the hurting? Supposed to stand for good against evil? Supposed to shun evil? Why were so many of them supporting evil? Overlooking it? Cavorting with it? Laughing about it…and attacking me, the innocent party who was struggling?
My final straw came when a pastor joined in. He made hateful comments to me and when the abuser started mocking me as a “perpetual victim,” the pastor agreed and made public posts on Facebook about how great the abuser was and how I was making things up. One day, I was having an especially rough day with an emergency at my home and I couldn’t find anyone to help me. The pastor made more nasty comments to me. That was the day I realized I could no longer be associated with Christians. I have felt that way for nearly two years now. I don’t want to be part of a religion that supports domestic violence and attacks the hurting.
Through this time, several of my rare, but real Christian friends have encouraged me not to drop Christianity because of some nasty wolves in sheep’s clothing, but so much damage has been done. I still believe in God, but not the hypocrites who pretend to be Christians…and especially not bullying pastors who wink at abuse while despising the victims. It might be better to get bible lessons from a reputed ministry that can enlighten you on the true meaning of faith and how god cares for us even in our bad times.
Recently, I had a realization about this situation. Perhaps instead of turning away from Christianity, I should want to fight harder. Sociopathy is the purest evil we can face. Is dealing with a sociopath the ultimate war of good vs evil? Truth vs lies? Is it spiritual warfare? I try to be a good person, and for me that includes hating evil, being honest, and speaking against abuse. What that pastor did to me was nothing that a true man of God would do. He was doing the work of Satan–destroying Christianity from within by abusing religion to hurt others and give real Christians a bad name. His actions are wicked, and sociopaths are common in the church. Instead of letting one nasty person turn me against Christianity, maybe I should be inspired to fight evil that hides in the church…with the truth and a desire to help the hurting rather than hurting them more. Shame on people who hide in churches and hurt others!
Don’t abuse our faith with your evil ways.