Is dealing with a narcissist spiritual warfare?

Of course I'm angry. I was abused by someone with no conscience or remorse. And when I reached out for help, you bullied me for speaking out and you supported the abuser instead.

***Just a big warning: while I usually try not to post too much about religion, this is a religious post and is mostly from my general Christian point of view.***

After dealing with a sociopath for 3.5 years, I think about good and evil, right and wrong, God and Satan, and other ethical issues quite a bit. For example, if a narcissist hurts everyone close to them and is without conscience or remorse, is it wrong for someone to be friends with them and to think they are fun to be with? I know many people who think my abusive sociopath ex is just sooo much fun to be with. Of course, they haven’t seen the real him. But is it moral for them to be friends with him as long as he’s not hurting them? Shouldn’t we shun evil and abuse?

I have been a Christian all my life. That’s just the way it was. When I was very young, I just thought everyone was. We weren’t regular church goers, but we did go from time to time, and the idea of God was normal in my home. I prayed every day and tried to do the right thing. I ended up going to Christian schools for a few years, and even a Christian college for a couple years. I did everything I was supposed to do, and I was squeaky clean. I thought that I was supposed to tell the truth, do the right thing, avoid hurting others. I thought that others were the same. How wrong I was. I thought God was taking care of me, but after years of being a good girl, I was smacked in the head by a sociopath.

One of the worst parts of it was watching normal people so easily believe the sociopath’s lies even when I had proof he was lying. After a while, his ability to charm people was so strong that I started wondering if he had some kind of demonic assistance. It was like magic. People would fall for his lies and ignore the truth. It was like they were hypnotized! Is this the demonic possession I’d read about in the Bible? Is this Satan at work? Working through the narcopath to do pure evil and get away with it?

I turned to faith even more. I turned to Christians for support and help understanding the situation and the evil that was attacking my life and my reputation. But, I mostly found hatred. Most of the Christians who knew both the abuser and me took his side. They thought he was the victim of my talking about the abuse, and they thought I was a horrible person for saying what happened. That began to destroy my faith. Aren’t Christians supposed to help the hurting? Supposed to stand for good against evil? Supposed to shun evil? Why were so many of them supporting evil? Overlooking it? Cavorting with it? Laughing about it…and attacking me, the innocent party who was struggling?

My final straw came when a pastor joined in. He made hateful comments to me and when the abuser started mocking me as a “perpetual victim,” the pastor agreed and made public posts on Facebook about how great the abuser was and how I was making things up. One day, I was having an especially rough day with an emergency at my home and  I couldn’t find anyone to help me. The pastor made more nasty comments to me. That was the day I realized I could no longer be associated with Christians. I have felt that way for nearly two years now. I don’t want to be part of a religion that supports domestic violence and attacks the hurting.

Through this time, several of my rare, but real Christian friends have encouraged me not to drop Christianity because of some nasty wolves in sheep’s clothing, but so much damage has been done. I still believe in God, but not the hypocrites who pretend to be Christians…and especially not bullying pastors who wink at abuse while despising the victims.

Recently, I had a realization about this situation. Perhaps instead of turning away from Christianity, I should want to fight harder. Sociopathy is the purest evil we can face. Is dealing with a sociopath the ultimate war of good vs evil? Truth vs lies? Is it spiritual warfare? I try to be a good person, and for me that includes hating evil, being honest, and speaking against abuse. What that pastor did to me was nothing that a true man of God would do. He was doing the work of Satan–destroying Christianity from within by abusing religion to hurt others and give real Christians a bad name. His actions are wicked, and sociopaths are common in the church. Instead of letting one nasty person turn me against Christianity, maybe I should be inspired to fight evil that hides in the church…with the truth and a desire to help the hurting rather than hurting them more. Shame on people who hide in churches and hurt others!

Don’t abuse our faith with your evil ways.

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29 thoughts on “Is dealing with a narcissist spiritual warfare?

  1. When I read your post it was like you are writing my life story. I was thinking this for a very long time. I have written about this in my journal 3 to be exact. I have no one believing me and still being abused. I have a wonderful support group on Fb. But I feel the same was a good person .. this is spiritual warefare they are the most evil I have encountered . They are everywhere and they are straight out of hell. Ive seen evil in there eyes. The way there faces change. I think we are fighting a loosing battle.

  2. Your words speak the frustration of many. I would include my experience that my abuser used scripture to validate his abuse because the husband is the head of the wife and I needed to be more submissive. Especially to sexual abuse. I found this resource written by a very brave evangelical pastor who has taken on the Lord’s work of stepping forward to protect the victims of domestic violence from their own pastors and churches. His name is Pastor Jeff Crippen, his ministry is based on his book “A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Violence Hides in Your Church”. He has a website.

  3. I have seen this situation in my own life. And isn’t it so much the job of evol to trn people away from God and destroy their ability to trust. I had a pastor comment to me at what a horrible person I was because of what my father told him. I have had back problems for over 30 years due to my father assaulting my two weeks after my 19th birthday. He was kicking me in the back as I was on the floor and kept telling me to move my hands so he could kick me in the face. Something he somehow managed to neglect to mention to his pastor. I have lived with a bad back ever since including having to have surgery and somehow my father who caused this injury, abused his wife and my brothers is the good guy and I am evil. The irony was that my mother had recently left my father at the time this “man of God” made these comments. I helped her as my married 82 year old father, so absorbed in himself, bragged to me that he had a 30 year old girlfriend and was hoping my mother died SOON. My mother had a stroke 2 months prior at 76 and my father’s new girlfriend turned out to be a prostitute. He would attend church though and tell his lies in the house of God every Sunday he was available for church. It’s ironic to me how a pastor got sucked in by his lies but lawyers and accountants caught him cheating on every level. And the ultimate overall thought ….. Narcissists actually believe that they are smarter than God and can get away with it all. On the day they are held accountable they honestly won’t understand that God doesn’t believe their lies, at best some compassion will be extended to them as narcissists are not emotionally healthy people. They don’t do what they do because of who they are with. They do what they do because that is how they are wired and they can’t be repaired, counselled or medicated to a better way of thinking. That in itself is such a sad way to live it is it’s own hell on earth.

  4. I have dealt with Narcs all my life..and yes they are pure evil..they look for good ..loving hearts to do their work..and yes there are plenty sitting front row in church..be very careful who you confide in. Unless they are dealing with a Narc there is little understanding and can be as cruel..which adds to your hurt and loneliness.Never give up on God..he is the Comforter. It has to be a personal battle sadly because many churches seem to be safe havens . I’m thankful for posts like yours..makes me know I’m not crazy or alone..thank you.

  5. in the spirit realm NPD is the Jezebel spirit. read Unmaking the Devil by John Ramirez. He lists 21 charactistics of this spirit and they are the exact traits of those who suffer from NPD. i was in a relationship w/3 people who had this condition. i suffered w/PTSD because of it. the Lord lead me to a prayer found in Apostle John Eckhardts book Prayers that Route Demons..it broke the ungodly soul ties i had formed w/these 3 people. Since then i have completely recovered. i no longer suffer w/PTSD, nor fibromyalgia. and my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has sky rocketed. i have peace and joy and i am going from faith to faith and from glory to glory! Now the Lord is beginning to restore the ugly gossip that these 3 people spread about me. i am seeing miracles in my life everyday. i am not ashamed of who i am or what i have been through. I am a warrioir!

    • Awesome! I listen to John Eckhardt’s, Prayers that Routes Demons almost every night. I fall asleep listening. Thank You for posting and I will be praying for you.

  6. People Of The Lie, a book by M. Scott Peck spoke of this very scary reality. These creatures are drawn to our churches, prayer groups, pot lucks, and unfortunatly our homes. They thrive where the kind, compassionate, and welcoming gather. They feed on more then the potato salad and punch… which by the way, they will gush over your recipie, and good taste, and you must come to dinner! They have a twisted way of ripping beautiful passages from the bible, slobbering and knawing on each word, then spewing it back at a person like a slimey spitball from hells underbelly. You will be labeled ungrateful, judgemental, a liar, and the snake will be so disapointed… as they personaly sacraficed so much to help you understand our awesome God, but they just cannot help you anymore!! And if others have not witnessed the unraveling, or shedding of the “persona”… expect a long, painful, and lonely faith testing trip through the rabbit holes!

  7. I’m convinced that dealing with a narcissist is most definitely spiritual warfare and that narcissism is the enemy himself manifested in the flesh which is why I don’t have any problem, whatsoever, with no-contact because we are supposed to shun evil. Evil goes against the very nature of God. I experienced the exact same thing you did people in church (I say people in church because just because they are members of a church doesn’t mean they are Christians) believing his lies based only on what HE said, especially the women in the church. No one even bothered to look at his fruit. In actuality, he was deflecting the attention away from himself because he didn’t want them to detect his flaws. The people in the church were so willing to believe him (or he was just that convincing). Whatever happed to spiritual discernment? I still believe in God, Christ and the Holy Spirit but not the narcissists in the church pretending to be Christians. Please don’t turn away from God. That is exactly what the enemy wants. He wants to turn as many people as possible away from God which is one reason why narcissists are so common in the church. They’re everywhere but even more so, I believe, in the church.

  8. Yes agree! I am not christian (or religious in any way) BUT I do agree with the notion spiritual battle going on. Abusers love to corrupt and turn their victims into creatures like them. i think this is the reason society is turning more narcisistic and rude and aggressive in general. A bit like psychic vampirism.. many victims of narcs feel they have no choice but to submit to the will of the abuser and appropriate their thinking (ie. concepts like NC which often includes a devalue discard process, lack of empathy and abusing others in turn). Read ‘people of the lie’ has more about this subject.

    • I had to at least appear to adopt my Mothers ideas, and of course agree with everything. It never felt right, and I was always aware of her lack of boundaries, which made me very uncomfortable. In recollection, it is a bit scary how well I was able to live a lie, and con her as well. As I stated, it was never comfortable, but she never questioned my loyalty. I was able to be whatever was required at the moment, just to survive. Of course As a young woman,I could no longer agree, and often spoke up… and then my Hell peaked, and there I remained. You are right about society, and the abundance of Narcissists, my goodness! It is absolutely freakish! They seem to just pour out of every nook and cranny…endless…and reminds me of the clown car at the circus. There can’t possibly be anymore, and defying all that we know of space and time…they keep on coming…And funny with all this “pc” balogney…people are more creature then human, having no clue about simple common courtesys, the very basic manners, and unable to adopt simple ways of just being..for example…as you go through your day, be mindful of yourself and others..simply by not being an ass. Thats it ! Don’t be an ass! At least, not before it is time to be!

  9. there is no escape from them once they have encountered you.
    the best one can do is wait for the next lifetime and hope its better than the last.

  10. I love your article, but I humbly urge you to consider: where are you going to be in 500 years from now? The Lord Jesus Christ sacrificed so much for us, nothing we suffer on earth is as large compared to it.

  11. I too went through a similiar sitiuation. I was betrayed by a fellow Christian at a New Church. I reached out to a young lady whom I thought I could trust based around pieces of her testimony that she shared at church. I thought to myself that God was showing me that I had someone I could confide in that could help me get out and would help me pray because I was at a point of almost deadlock and was struggling to hold on to life. I finally reached out to her one day, and she in turn, picked up the phone and and called him, (long life friends), and not only shared everything I had in confidence shared with her, but took many things and twisted it. When I reached out to the Pastor for help in needing a place to stay, her not knowing what this person did, she called on some of the congregation, and once again, she called on this person who again called and told him and and told her all these lies which were conveyed as I was the one lieing. It wasn’t the church that deceived me, it was the church and her that were deceived. The Bible says that evil will come into the heavenly places and dwell. It’s up to the churches to be on alert and pay attention to All that are apart of Gods House. They were deceived and allowed themselves to get sucked into the enemies trap. I had to forgive her and know that God saw it all and let it go and Trust His word that vengence is His and just pray that she was convicted of what she did was wrong in the sight of God and ask Him to forgive her whether I ever was asked or not. We are accountable for our own actions according to how God says we are to live, not accountable for others. They will be accountable one day, and that day is coming soon. And it’s not about how much we do, or how good we do it, God cares about our hearts and if our eyes are truly on Him and doing His will no matter what we see around us. He cares about us walking by Faith in Him and what we can’t see. He wants us to have fellowship with other believer’s, He is OUR Father in unity as well as OUR Father independantly. He desires and asks us to have communion with other Christians as so we can pray together, lift eachother up, pray for those near and far who are going through the same sufferings we are. We All need to get ready for Christ’s return and put aside any and All the things that the enemy is using to keep us from being prepared and unforgiveness is surely a big one. I encourage you to forgive them, pray that God will convict all of them. And yes, I do believe narcissism is spiritual, and is an open door for the enemy to live within a person, but I also believe that Nothing is Immpossible With God and If any person truly wants a new life and they truly call on the name of the Lord and believe with their hearts that Jesus in Lord that He will save them, just as scripture says He Will Do. The enemy has won nothing, he has overtaken nothing unless the mind allows him to. I will be lifting you up in prayer.

  12. You are spot on and remember that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. What you went through and written here is going to heal many and you are shedding light on issues that I even am dealing with, leadership with severe issues. Pray and be not discouraged, the realization you felt to fight is God equipping you to help others, we need bind up these spirits of lust, control and manipulation and talk about this openly in our congregations. Pray and interceed for those who are afflicting others. Believe me God is not mocked. What a man soweth that shall he also reap. PLEASE KNOW that God is no respecter of person, from Genesis to Revelation, no one especially leaders got away with anything. Kings, Judges, Prophets, NO ONE. God is a just God. we have to seek to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit who answers and speaks very clearly. You have to wage war in prayer until those yokes are destroyed and stay in the WORD of God!

    • Amen, Amen and Amen! We need to be praying for our churches as a whole that God will give them the strength and courage to ATTACK the topics that we as human beings face daily and not walk in fear of attacking the enemy that is entering God’s house through His people. I loved Jesus then during my times of bad choices that put me in harms way of a true experienced narcissist, but as I walked through it, He drew me in closer to Him and I love Him more even now because of it. He truly took what was meant to kill me and used it for my good and I glorify Him everyday because of it.

      I have become so sensitive to the atmosphere around me especially within my own church and when I visit other churches, but still when I begin to shed light on the truth the leader’s turn the conversation in the other direction, with such a spirit of fear of treading into water that might be offensive to other’s. We need to pray for our leader’s that God will give them a desire to be educated to the damage that is caused when we as Christian women don’t feel that we can turn to our church family when we have been deceived, but most importantly that the community who does NOT have a church family doesn’t have a Safe Haven to turn to, people that will not judge them, people who will love them unconditionally and most importantly know that there are people there to help them who have walked through it themselves. If we as the body of Christ can’t reach out to the hurting within our own church who are dealing with real issues, how can we reach out beyond the church and into our streets, communities and states and make a real difference? We need to stop sugar coating the truth and begin to speak it out of love, bring it out into the open and shed light on it so it no longer lies in the dark so some healing can begin.

  13. I do believe that they have evil hearts and the bible talks about them without using the secular terms we have at our disposal today.

    I found God when I was at my last straw during the marriage. I was completely mentally and emotionally broken, dehumanized and emasculated by her. I remember begging God to get me the f*** out of this if He was real. I’m out and by God’s grace, I’m healthy.

    With that being said, they do not stop. Ever. She is attempting to cause dissension in the church that I go to. I can see her tactics 10 miles away as God has blessed me with a strong gift of discernment. Unfortunately, people can be captivated by smooth talk and flattery.

    I have been accused of being a sociopath. Anyone who knows anything about me over the last three years will dispute that, there are people who will advocate for me, as well as a number of things I did during the divorce that abusers/sociopaths/narcissists do NOT do. I left, I filed, I stayed away from her with no communication. I went to therapy first, I begged for marriage counseling. I refused to do the same tactics she did during the divorce. I have proof on paper and there are things in the public court records that can prove her nastiness. I did not do things that an abuser would do. She did. There is proof that no one will listen to.

    I’ve been more involved in church, going weekly, attending small groups and serving. The more I get involved in church, the more I get attacked by her and her cronies. I believe the devil has a hold on her and her family. Both of us grew up in bad homes, we just ended up dealing with our trauma differently. I became toxic co-dependent, she became an abuser.

    My faith in God is still with me, I believe He got me out, He helped with my healing and He has given me strength. I do worry about what they are doing inside the church to get me slandered and removed. I know how they play their games, I know the type of people they manipulate, I fully understand the process. Yet, I feel as though the Holy Spirit is restraining me from doing anything like fighting back.

    I’m concerned, worried and scared, but I have to continue to believe that God is in control and that He will protect me from them.

    I’m struggling is all. Thanks for your post.

  14. Hi there,
    My experience is very much like what was written in this article. To start with, I have been married to a narcissistic wife for almost 24 years. She have been very very difficult non-stop! What she does is taking control over finance if I have joint account with her and I could not spend money without her outrageous behaviour. Anything I spent she would put on a tantrum. I share with her what I did at work but she ignored me and rebuked me for my achievement etc. She is a house wife and claimed that she have been busy with house work but I often come to an empty home after work to find things that weren’t done. She demanded that I do her chores without questions. Obviously she have been out most of the days and neglecting her duties.She have manipulated my own family which includes children. She would turn my children against me and back stab me. However, toward the end I had to back out of the marriage due to the fact no one within my family ever backed me up. Soon after I left, she turned against my children. After a time they were forced to leave home because of her narcissitic behaviour. She even contacted me and demanded them to go back home as the Bible said Children obey the parents. Guess what was my response to her? Obviously I quoted the next verse which says fathers provoke not the children to wrath lest they be discouraged! She went through the roof!
    On the church side, she would come as “holier than thou” attitude like “Sunday Christian” to show a false humility with brethren who obviously knows nothing about her. She often destroyed people’s faith.
    About six months later after leaving her, I had to write a letter to her outlining why and what went wrong. I outlined by showing the scriptures where she went wrong, explained why children left home, told her that she need to seek professional help and told her that I have to be separated from her until she changes her ways scriptually and I have had no intention to seek divorce.
    Few months later, she came to my work and told me that she wanted a divorce. I knew that she have not seeked the Lord about that and she took the path by covering the path. At that time she found a resources to live off. She eventually married a man who has no parents, no siblings, no close family members and has large bank accounts. They go to church. My children and myself are appalled with her attitude. Some years later I caught up with an old pastor who knew us. The first question he asked me was Are you alright? I realised that there are many Christians out there who knew us, who would back me up.
    I am now physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually worn out from years of ordeal and am now struggling to recover. I have not been able to attend churches due to my ordeal. Thankfully I am glad that the Lord God hasn’t forgotten me and still have faith in Jesus Christ our Lord!

  15. If your tormenter is attractive and charming people will be fooled. But remember God looks at the heart . I’m dealing with a narc at work I’m witnessing him now reaping what he has sown it’s not a pretty sight & I truly feel sorry for him because they are victims of their abuse as well. Be steadfast in the truth because in time God is our avenger.

  16. My mother was one. Then I married one. Also had my pastor tell me not to leave him. don’t give up on God . I have not he taken us to higher level.keep standing on them stones through at u eventually they make higher ground for u.God gas already win the battle praise God u not blind to the enemy. Just not many can see the devil. Just like many can’t can’t recognise God

  17. Thank you for posting, joannamoore. I have great compassion for you and your experience with a narcissist. I hope that you have a peaceful and beautiful life, now.

    Unfortunately, churches are hospitals for the soul. The congregation and their religious leaders are imperfect people and they sometimes don’t give G-d endorsed advice.

    And there may very well be active Narcissist in the church, as well.

    The Bible tells us to love one another as we love ourselves. Many people seem to ignore the part of dictate that tells us to love ourselves. We are also told to treat our bodies with respect ( our body is referred to as a temple).

    G-d does not call us to stay in ANY situation with ANY person that hurts us. It seems to me that G-d calls us to leave an abuser. And HE will help us to do so.

    May G-d love and protect people suffering from Narcissistic abuse.

    PS
    Please don’t leave your church. Instead educate the congregation so others suffering from Narcissistic abuse get the care and help they need.

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  19. I read your story and my solar plexus seemed to have been crying because i can identify with much you spoke about. It is ironic, unexplainable and fantastic not in a goid way, seemingly normal people do not hear the victim asking for help, they side with the narcassist, sociopath and psychopath. Religon doesn’t mean you believe, worship or serve the Almighty God, you can worship a guy named Fred or make a head of lettuce your God, there is no biblical truth in that, no discerment and no understanding. This includes that pastor you spoke of. Tell him for me, his sensitivity and actions of love are just like his god who cant contain love.

  20. We have a grandmother which is a narc, and she tends to fall to get blue marks, she pushes my daughter (13) out of the way , walk on a wet floor to intentually fall to go to the dr, she swears my other daughter(18) she humiliates us by urinating in public, the old age home threw her out, she stripped infront of the old age home manager, climbs in bed with the men at the old age home, we got suspicion she killed her husband , this have been going on for far to long for 30 odd years , we only recently (1 month ago) got to know what a narc is. she manipulated all social workers so far, we feel our hand are cut off don’t know what to do, for we get no help from anyone, feel so alone

  21. Definitely spiritual warfare..I think God places these people in our lives not only to test our faith, but to grow from it. Let’s face it, if you can still be a loving person after the experiences with these narcissists, you should be on the Church’s list for Sainthood. I’ve listened and read some articles from priests who understand exactly what is going on.

    http://www.catholiceducation.org/en/culture/catholic-contributions/narcissism-and-the-dynamics-of-evil.html

    But the greatest speaker on these issues is definitely Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest. Please look him up on youtube, he understands exactly what you are going through and will help to piece things together. He is not your everyday priest.

  22. I recently read some of Dr Craig Childress’ writings of what a narcissist abuser will do to the child to turn it against the other parent and become anxious around them as well as take on their narcissistic personality

    I lost my first child to death early on and my narcissistic mother and brother greatly contributed to me not being able to get her proper medical care in time.

    My second daughter is now a narcissist. She was diagnosed with ODD as a child. Even though I finally got out too late, she treats me as the abuser who has only excuses for why I stayed so long. She won’t listen. She completely lacks empathy. She laughs at me as if I’m crazy or a liar when I try to explain brainwashing. She has been brainwashed herself.

    I cried a lot yesterday after reading Dr Childress’ writings as to how the narc abuser convinces the child he’s alright and that the target parent is the abuser.

    She is all grown. This year she will spend Thanksgiving with my first ex’s family, another narc abuser who had is now dead, and who also backed his suing me frivolously for 14 years to the hilt keeping me too stressed to figure out how to leave my other abuser whom I recently divorced

    But too late. I have been harmed facially and don’t recognized myself. I had extreme anxiety and depression for a while which has calmed down on some level but contact instigated by my daughter is making it worse again

    I have decided regrettably to be done with her soon. She wants to move her furniture out of my apartment. It’s just she keeps me on hold while she figures out when.

    I’m about to tell her to just buy new and move on with her life.

    Either way there is great pain over this death in our relationship. I believe we were happy at one time. Two narcs and church interference, in law interference, courts allowing pro se lawsuits has done irreparable damage.

    Please pray for me.

    Thank you.

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