There seems to be some confusion these days about right and wrong. I’m not talking about wearing white after labor day or wearing last year’s shoes. I mean discerning between things that are plain old bad and things that are not bad. Since I work from home, I’m online all day and I see a lot of social media posts. Sometimes, I am horrified.
There are some really mean, unempathetic people out there who see no problem with violence, bullying or abuse. People who literally blame the victims or minimize the attacks. Sadly, this is not uncommon. In some of the forums I visit, this attitude is taking over. (And non-suprisingly, in one forum, my ex narcopath and his flying monkeys are the ones feeding this growing sentiment and hatred for victims. One sociopath can truly infiltrate and destroy a group.) I consistently see angry posts about “victim mentality,” “perpetual victims,” and “making kids into wimps.” Shouldn’t we as civilized people be MORE angry about abusers, repeat abusers, and making kids into bullies? I have read over and over that we should teach kids to stop being victims and just hit back at the bully. While it is true that we have to protect ourselves because there are jerks in the world and we can’t control them, I believe we should still call those jerks for what they are rather than negatively focusing on what the victim should do.
And “victim?” It is not a dirty word. A person is a victim when they have been victimized. It’s a word. It’s a way to explain who is who in the roles of wrong and right. All too many people say “victim” with an air of spite and disgust, as if it’s shameful. All too many people will aim their anger at the victim and never the person who victimized them. It’s ALL on the victim to get over it. It’s all their fault for allowing it to happen. It’s all their fault for not stopping it. The people who do this never point the finger at the abuser.
Let’s get this clear:
Abusing people is WRONG
Being abused is NOT wrong
Hurting others is WRONG
Being hurt is NOT wrong
Bullying people is WRONG
Being bullied is NOT wrong
Rape is WRONG
Being raped is NOT wrong
Hitting someone is WRONG
Being hit is NOT wrong
Preying on young kids is WRONG
Being preyed on is NOT wrong
Today in the news, I have read multiple stories of celebrity violence, battery, abuse and otherwise bad behavior. In one story, a man pushed his wife into a window leaving her with swelling and bruising. What comments did I read?
That’s not abuse She had it coming What did she do? She just wants his money Poor guy She’s lying
Now, I’m sure some people do lie, but I don’t believe most do. This woman was left with marks and the man was arrested. That alone says something happened. And no matter what was going on, shoving her into a window is WRONG. There should be no ifs, ands, or buts. No excuses. Don’t get mad and shove people around.
Then in the news, I read about a rapper who had contacted an underage girl allegedly to recruit her for his record label. The girl and her parents thought that was inappropriate, especially since the rapper had previously dated underage girls. What comments did I read?
She is a slut She just wants money She shouldn’t have been wearing so much make-up It’s her fault for being on social media It’s her fault for trying to look older She’s just trying to get attention
Now maybe the rapper really was just doing business. But why aim immediate anger at the female involved? She is a child! Why hatred for the person in the more vulnerable position? This is a knee jerk reaction that I find disturbing. Especially with celebrities when their fans automatically jump to believe they are innocent.
And the Bill Cosby case…oooh that’s a nasty one. I firmly believe he is a psychopath. And yet, despite dozens of women telling the same story for decades, most people are unwilling to accept that maybe they don’t truly know anything real about the funny guy they only know from television. The comments on this case are hideous.
Ugly slut They just want money They are liars They shouldn’t have gone back with him They are hurting a good man This is a conspiracy because he’s conservative How dare they Real victims would have said something already
Even if we do not yet know the true level of guilt in these cases, it’s interesting and sickening that so many people immediately jump to hating and destroying the alleged victim–the weaker person. And even when it is clear that someone has been victimized, too many people hate the victim but not the abuser.
Society, that is WRONG.