When I first started dating the narcopath after two years of grooming, he moved things really fast by love-bombing and mirroring me. He pretended to be everything I wanted. I introduced him to my dad pretty soon, because I thought my dad would be really proud of my choice. My dad talked to him quite a bit, but didn’t seem as excited as I expected. He didn’t really say anything to me, though.
A couple weeks later, I called my dad to see if we could visit again, but my dad said no and made excuses. Over the next couple months, this happened time and time again. My dad either didn’t answer his phone or gave reasons we couldn’t visit. I thought it was weird. My dad is not in great health, so he is almost always home. I’d never had problems before.
When I married narcopath, my dad was upset, but still didn’t say why. He finally let me visit one day when I wasn’t with narcopath. He and his wife both shook their heads at me and said I’d made a bad decision.
After seven weeks of marital hell, I ended the marriage. Again, I went to visit my dad. THAT is when my dad spilled everything and explained his reactions for the past few weeks.
My dad told me he had realized in the first visit that my ex was a sociopath. He said that my ex’s reactions and behaviors literally scared him. He had told his wife that my ex was never going to be allowed in their home again. My dad is not one to be scared of anyone. But, he isn’t as strong as he used to be. He said he felt intense danger from my ex and felt like if my ex went crazy, he could kill my dad and my dad wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. My dad said the hairs on the back of his neck stood up when he talked to my ex.
Now by that time, I had absolutely realized that narcopath was indeed a narcopath, but I hadn’t known immediately. My dad did. He explained to me what he saw that let him know narcopath was dangerous.
1. When my dad tried to talk to him about his past, he would not answer details. He kept evading questions and answering generally.
2. When my dad again tried to ask questions–just in normal conversation–the narcopath’s eyes turned cold, as if he were challenging my dad.
3. My dad noted that the narcopath’s posture was tense and challenging. (Something I heard from multiple other friends, as well.) Narcopath appeared to be ready to jump.
4. The narcopath was rough with my dad’s dog. He “played” by throwing the dog around and body slamming it on a couch.
5. The narcopath repeatedly tried to show his dominance with words and body language
6. My dad said that he just felt fear for no obvious reason. He felt hairs go up on his neck and arms, and he had a very bad feeling about the narcopath.
Of course, early on, I missed all this. I thought I’d met the perfect guy and my dad would like him. However, I fell for it as a woman who likes men and wanted romance. My dad wasn’t looking for those things, so he could see more clearly. He saw the actions while I was hearing the words.
I was fooled before, but I don’t think I’ll be fooled again–at least not for long. I think my dad made some good points. The best one of all is to trust your instincts. My dad didn’t have any clear evidence that my ex was a sociopath, but he did feel fear through his sixth sense…and he trusted it.