The other day, I was reading a thread on Facebook about women’s frustration with men who send them “dick pics” or nude photos they never wanted to see. This is indeed a form of sexual harassment. It’s gross. It’s a violation, and for many people, it is a trigger. So I was reading this discussion in a Christian singles group. Most people emphasized with the woman who was venting. We get it. Many of the men were upset that other men were doing this, and many of the women agreed that they didn’t like it. Great! I don’t like it either. It’s creepy!
Then there were the people who got upset because the serious thread was ruining the fun of the group. They just wanted silly fun threads! None of that serious stuff about sexual violations! One woman even made a new post about how she was leaving the group because the thread wasn’t fun and she didn’t want to hear about harassment. She whined that it was someone else’s problem and they should just keep it to themselves. Uggh.
Guess what? Life isn’t always super fun. There are really horrible things happening in the world. Maybe getting a nude photo from a stranger isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a person, but it is still not acceptable behavior, and it is okay to recognize that it’s not. In fact, in an ideal world, I believe we would hold the creeper accountable!
But unfortunately, many people want to hide their heads when someone else is being targeted. I can understand that to a point. Do I really want to get caught up defending someone else when I can just enjoy my own life and tune out? Honestly, I cannot fight everyone’s battle. However, I can validate them and stand up and say “that is NOT right.” I can put my jokes and fun on hold for a minute to speak out against abusive behavior. In fact, as long as we leave victims hanging on their own, abuse will continue. We are a part of this society, and if we want it to be safer for everyone, we have to stand up for what is right, and stand against what is wrong. We can’t save everyone, but we can do our parts to show others that we aren’t going to allow bad behavior.
This applies not just to naked pictures on the internet, but to unacceptable behavior everywhere. If we know someone is being violated, we should never tell them to shut up and keep it to themselves. We might not be able to offer all the help we need, but there is never any reason to keep abuse a secret. It might be just one person’s private life, but abuse is ALL of our business.
I’ve been reading your website since I went no contact and left my husband of 2 yrs and am in a DV shelter now. I was a single divorced mom for 15 yrs and raised 3 amazing daughters. I stayed away from men and relationships until I turned 57 and met a man at my church. We started a celebrate recovery group together He was the leader and trained us)and I spent lots of time with him before we married. He had our wedding rings engraved with our names and “forever together in Christ”….i believed he was one of the strongest, best Christian men I had ever met. Three months is all it took for his smoke and mirrors to fade but my mind just couldn’t grasp the truth and I became convinced it was my brokenness that was the problem. I just about lost myself and kept going because I made a lifelong commitment in front of God….i had no clue what was happening until I got a call out of the blue from his sister who told me he is a pathological liar. Then I fractured my ankle in 3 places and realized with terror how purely evil he is. The outright neglect and pleasure I saw on his face when I was in so much pain, the lies he told my doctor about me being an addict/alcoholic and could not have pain medication, absurd lies set to destroy me. The more I tried to tell truth the more people believed him. My Church friends and pastor chose to blame me and I was devastated. My daughter’s thought I had lost my sanity. He took an axe to everyone and everything I loved and in 2 years I lost everything. Now at 59 I rebuild my life again. I gotta tell you that my faith in Jesus of Nazareth kept me safe. Ex would beat me down verbally, then shove His bottles full of pain meds at me and scream you don’t need to go, you need to DIE. Coward. My breath does not belong to me, it is my Creator’s and only He can take it away. Psychopaths abound in our churches and hide behind pastors who refuse to look for truth but blame the victims or say we are all broken. My Warrior King Jesus got me to safe shelter and has made it clear to me that this is no longer my fight. I find peace in the knowledge that they (husband) will be judged and held accountable for eternity. I walk in Jesus’ love and find understanding in your words. Thank you for what you are doing here.
This post and reply are the best I have read.
I pray that the abuser of 25 plus years does have mercy for the cruel evil things he had done to my family.
I pray that my mistake of trying to protect all will be a reminder as stated above; that we must stand for what is right and not allow abusive behaviors or cover them up!
My hope too after the above is that GOD will provide and prevail how ever is meant to be.
Some groups that I have attending seem a bit less grown at times; however, I do feel at ease afterwards that recovery from the abuse I have suffered is one more day closer! Kudos to all for overcoming. Send good vibes my way, please.
Thank you all.
Prayers and Peace, for whatever your spiritual healing embraces.