Narcissist mothers are emotional terrorists, but they seem especially obsessed with destroying their daughters and daughters-in-law. Your mother is supposed to be someone you can trust, but narcissist mothers start female rivalries that are worse than anything you will ever experience from the mean girls at school. They will become your biggest bullies. They do not regard you as a daughter to be loved and cherished. They see you as yet another woman with whom they must compete.
The narcissist mother believes her daughter only exists as an extension of herself. You aren’t a child; you are an accessory. Everything is about HER. My mother literally told me that my wedding day was HER big day. Not mine. HERS. I was bullied and received hate mail from her enabling sisters because I planned my wedding my way.
Sadly, as hateful as they were, I got off easy…because I eloped. (I received hate mail for that too.) During pretty much the entire planning process for my wedding, I was receiving nasty e-mails for not doing things my mother’s way. My then-fiance and I decided the only way to keep her from showing up and entirely ruining the day was to elope. Elopement marriages have become a trend in the recent past. This might be because of families making a fuss about their kid’s marriage choices. Nowadays couples tend to elope to their preferred marriage destination (elope in Washington state if interested) with a few close friends and an elopement photographer where they can have a small and peaceful wedding. As for me, I don’t regret the decision of my elopement one bit! I can only imagine the show she would have put on had I invited her to my…no wait, HER big day!
Many women feel obligated to allow their mothers to be a part of their wedding days. Normal families can do this. However, you do have to realize that it’s your own wedding and not your mother’s. It is important that you let your wants and desires be made clear from the beginning. If you want to hire wedding photographers Virginia Beach, have chocolate cake, or a knee-length wedding gown, make it clear and stand by it. Some mothers might not agree. But, you need to make the decision for yourself. It’s sad that daughters of narcissistic mothers cannot expect love and congratulations from their mothers; however, you cannot expect normal, healthy behavior from a narcissistic mother. And if you’ve gotten so far that you are reading this page…you probably have a narcissist mother!
A controlling narc will make every step of planning a stressful event and she will make the big day a day for her to show off and bring you down to lift herself up. Unless you have boundaries of steel, and are really amazing at letting insults and attacks roll off your back, your wedding day, which should be one of the most joyful days of your life, will be a stressful day that ends in tears and regrets. They might try to destroy every happy memory you have or even the ones you are going to create. But it is your responsibility to take charge of your wedding right from booking a beautiful Wedding Venue in Dallas, TX, or elsewhere, buying a gorgeous wedding gown, or hiring a wedding photographer of your choice. Understandably, avoiding her in front of all the guests may be difficult, but this is something you may need to do in order to prevent her from getting involved in important decisions and attempting to mess things up.
If you are trying to keep your narcissist mother involved in your wedding because you want her to behave like a real mother…it won’t work. If you feel like you have to be nice or keep the peace, realize that it is okay to say “no.” Please don’t let your mother take control of your big day, because it is something that will bring you much stress and years of regret…as well as horror stories to tell after the fact. That is just not fair to you.
Without strict boundaries, a narcissist mother, (or mother-in-law to be,) will make your wedding day a circus.
I had a narcissistic (Narcopath actually) Father in Law, and he did ruin my wedding, and the recital and recital dinner trying to control who could come and who could not. Fortunately for me, I eventually realized my husband was exactly the same person as his Father, just a younger version, and I escaped the hell. Now I am free! although I do still have to endure their Hell war waged against me! Totally worth it to be FREE!!!!
HA. This is their prominant feature.
My N-MIL called aside her son, my husband a day before our wedding when he was welcoming his friends for the next day and started telling him how nasty he was and what all she was made to go through due to him, right from having the “longest labor” to deliver him- when she walked miles just to deliver lunch box to his school, ran from doctor to doctor when he was sick and how he had rejected her breakfast during school days. My husband was so guilty of these stories that it lasted with him during the wedding and days that followed. During our wedding reception, in between guests arrival, he kept telling me “I have not treated my mother well. I am a bad son”.
She informed the whole world that she gifted me a dimond necklace and two expensive sets of dresses with all her savings and large heartedness. She told every guest about the gifts so much that my husband had to pay cash to her within a week of our wedding “just-like-that”. The truth is the necklace never came to me since it was “lost” the last minute of giving me and the two dresses are EXACTLY the same – colour, stitching and every thread. My husband said “its okay now! dont tell anyone”.. no one knows about this after 8 years of my marriage…
I get married in two weeks and have only just realised (aged 37) that my mother is a narcissist (every item on this list applies http://www.sagaciousnewsnetwork.com/21-signs-of-a-narcissistic-mother/). After 3 months of the worst emotional abuse I’ve ever experienced, I finally snapped and told my mother she is not welcome at our wedding. She had tried to control every aspect of the planning, sulked and tanted when we disagreed with her, criticised our choices, complained we got engaged at the wrong time and used emotional blackmail to get me to agree to things. The final straw was her buying my teenaged sister an ivory lace Monsoon wedding dress to wear as my bridesmaid, without consulting me, then claiming I was not entitled to get as upset as I did and refusing to change it. I finally realised I could never please her and I deserved to have only people who support us and love us at the wedding. It’s very raw and terrifying but amazingly freeing too.
My earliest memories was my NM telling me how my wedding was going to be. What I would wear, who would be flower- girls, friends of hers. How I would walk to the church and what prosessional music I would have. I would also be wearing her wedding dress. As I grew older, her evil traits came to the fore. My 21st birthday really opened my eyes to the levels she would go to. She decided on everything – food, drink, even what friends I could invite. When I asked for input she retorted with “you aren’t paying, I am, so you should be grateful” I knew then I could never let her dictate my wedding. So it’s been put off. The saddest part now is my dad, who was just a great person died, she abused him when we’d all left home. He can never walk me down the aisle. She wins. Again.
i dont feel one bit of guilt or regret for sending a message to my NMIL a week before my wedding that she is not to mention my husbands exwife at OUR wedding or I would give her a piece of my mind. This was after she almost ruined my bridal shower bailing up my mother and guests none stop talking about the ex… 2 weeks out from the wedding she suddenly makes best friends with the ex… So yes i created a healthy boundary – and she refused to come to the wedding but kept calling my husband asking if she can come – no one ever said she couldnt but we were not begging her which is what she expected. Thoroughly enjoyed my day without her. Oh and not once in the planning did she ask if i needed any help – it was all about her, her makeup, her hair, her outfit.
My first marriage was a quick vegas wedding as I was 8 months pregnant. My parents divorced when I was 3 but they both wanted to come to my Wedding. They hadn’t had a civil interaction in over 25 years. Hated each other with a passion. I was nervous to say the least. Raised by my father I wanted him to be comfortable.
My mother walked in with her asshat husband and started being rude and belligerent as always. I didn’t have the balls to tell her to leave. I said my vows took a few photos and was done. Nothing like I wished it would be, I just couldn’t wait to get out of there.
My second wedding we started planning a small beach ceremony and it hit me still that no one gets along and it would just be drama so we used a justice of the peace and it was beautiful!! She was so angry at me for not telling her I got married.
I can say after 45 years of Narcissistic abuse from her I haven’t spoken to her in four years. I hope she is enjoying Karma in her senior years.