My sociopath ex’s main flying monkey is so severe and manipulative, that I’m convinced she is a sociopath too. I’m not the only one she bullies, although I seem to be her main target. (It is not unlike a sociopath to pick a main target to stalk and harass.) She bullies many others, yet she maintains a social balance that impresses enough people who are blind to her bullying and would even deny her behavior and defend her. It’s stunning that they see such a completely different side to this person who is cruel to so many! But that is a key characteristic with disordered people. They are either cruel or charming and they can turn either trait on or off in an instant. If there is someone you know who is so very polarizing with two different ways of treating people, it is a huge red flag!
Anyway, I’m not going to give this person’s real name, so I’ll call her Suzy. And she’s just such a great example of a disordered person, that I’m going to use her to illustrate this type of sociopathic person. 😉
To begin with, the narcopath ex doesn’t even like Suzy. He despises her and mocks her. He bragged to me that she was too ugly for him but was desperate to date him. He actually says this about many of his female monkeys. He looks down on them, yet keeps them on the hook so they will do his bidding and “worship” him. Suzy is no exception. She even publicly admits that he is a jerk yet still enables him. This makes no sense! I can only imagine that sociopaths recognize each other, and are so focused on their joint goal to hurt people, that they are willing to overlook the other bully’s flaws.
Suzy is an extreme gossip and busy body. She makes it her business to know EVERYONE else’s business. She is obsessed with knowing what everyone is doing. If someone blocks her on social media, she gets very fussy and starts asking others what the blocker is saying. She cannot stand not being in everyone’s private space. She is also the broadcaster of lies, misinformation and smear campaigns. She will literally message or e-mail new people in her social circles to smear her targets. She will welcome new people and pretend to be their new best friend–guiding them and warning them about who they should avoid, (that is, her targets that she is smearing.) Her devotion to being a gossip makes her a prime flying monkey.
But at the same time, she is very sweet to the single men. She is also just so sweet and welcoming and kind to newbies. (Unless she later decides they are worthy of her attacks, then she turns on them!) She volunteers within her social circles and has developed a reputation for someone who likes to help. Frankly, her version of “helping” only exists so she can keep an eye on people and keep up on the latest gossip! However, she has even received public awards for her volunteer work.
She is quite flattering and friendly to people she values. Isn’t Suzy a great lady? Always helping the new people? Such a social butterfly! She is at every party!
But, I’ve been on the other side and I’m not the only one. There are many people who will claim she is a toxic, gossiping bully who will gladly stab people in the back and spread lies about them. She has been completely obsessed with doing it to me on behalf of my narcopath ex. Other people have watched her do it and have realized what kind of person she *truly* is. Still more people have experienced it.
Recently, one of her targets posted in a common Facebook group stunned at what she had done to him. Dozens of people chimed in… “me too!” Then came the other side, all the people she charms. “How dare you talk like that about Suzy! She’s so big-hearted and willing to help people!” “I’ve never seen her trash or hurt anyone!” “How dare you lie about her.” Those of us who have been viciously targeted and smeared were in awe as her supporters promoted a completely unrealistic view of her, yet heartily believed it. Did they NOT see her ongoing public smearing of so many of us? Did they not notice her history of destroying people’s reputations and sending e-mail broadcasts to share cruel rumors? Could they not understand the significance of so many of her victims sharing the same stories?
No. They chose not to see it, and she chose not to show them. She is a disordered cluster B predator who carefully manages her public image in such a way that she can continue to terrorize her targets while getting a free pass from those who don’t see her true colors. However, it doesn’t matter how flattering she is to others. What she does to those she despises is what truly defines her character.
Unfortunately, these people exist in the world. My narcopath ex has a strong history of picking a target at each of his jobs. He always hones in on one person and makes their life hell. He always gets fired for it pretty quickly because he is so overt. However, many sociopaths like Suzy are higher functioning. They can pick a target and destroy that person while smiling and being helpful to anyone who might have noticed. And yes, they know exactly what they are doing. When Suzy smears me, she isn’t being a good-hearted person innocently defending my ex. She’s being a vicious predator who enjoys hurting people who are already down. She knows it. Many of us know it. However, she works the social system so that the people she “values” do not get it.
In reality, if you know a nice person who is cruel to at least one other person…they are not truly a nice person.