Perhaps you’ve seen this meme on Facebook. If you are like me, it made you mad! This meme is a load of crap, and it relies on the same language and rationalizations that abusers use. (In fact, I wonder about the person who wrote it….)
Every single “point” here smacks of an abuser’s language and dismissive words about their victims’ pain.
A manipulative abuser will terrorize a family member or “loved” one until the target leaves, then the abuser will play victim and tell everyone they are sooo sad, and they just don’t know why the “mean” victim won’t have anything to do with them. They easily fool onlookers by pretending to care and to be innocent and hurt because someone cut them off for supposedly no reason.
Abusers–especially abusive parents/grandparents–love to use the children as pawns. Oh, if you cut contact to protect yourself from their bad behavior, the poor children will suffer! Such drama. Don’t forget–the parent who abused you will be the parent who will abuse your child, or disparage you to your child. Unfortunately, the abuser that you try to escape will guilt trip you over your children, and they will make you into a monster for “stealing” your children away from a grandparent.
Abusers dismiss years and years of ongoing abusive, and cruel behavior as nothing. They will say things like this was “all about ego” as if you have no reason to be upset, no reason to avoid them, and you are upset about some tiny, one-time incident. Furthermore, they will tack it all on you. There’s nothing wrong with them in their minds; the problem is all you and your “ego.” Never mind that your decision to stop talking to them is the result of dozens, hundreds, thousands of horrible things they have said and done! Oh no, in their heads, you weren’t abused by them. You are just petty and “offended.” How silly of you to want to avoid some who treats you badly, right?
And of course, to an abuser, your legitimate complaints and concerns are all imaginary. They will rolls their eyes, (or like my narcissistic mother, literally wave their hands,) because they don’t want to hear what you have to say. They don’t care that they hurt you. They will never admit that they were wrong. This conflict isn’t due to their ongoing drama and insanity. It’s all in your head…so they want you to think!
Finally, they end with that narcissist classic–the ultimatum, the guilt and the fear that you might miss out. No, don’t be too late! You’d better come back and take more abuse before they die and you feel bad for missing out on such great memories right? Gag!
And of course, a narcissist would use all these rationalizations and share them with their flying monkeys and enablers to make you the bad guy for being healthy enough to say “no more.” Frankly, this meme relies so heavily on dismissal, guilt and manipulative words that I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if an abusive person wrote it! The whole thing is toxic.