Sometimes, disordered people can act normal, or even nice! Of course we already know this, because the narcissist was probably pretty good when we first met them, or else we wouldn’t have fallen for them, right? Even when they start showing us their true colors, we often cling to the good parts and assume the good parts are real and the bad are just “little things” or bad days. Over time, we realize that the bad parts are the reality and the good things are just an act to draw us in. A ha! Then, when we fully catch on, accept that reality and have had enough, we leave the relationship. Sometimes it takes a long time, because the narcissist’s good side is really quite convincing.
I know my sociopath ex is a cruel person beyond help. I KNOW this without a doubt. Many times, I have wondered if he isn’t Satan himself in a human body. I’ve watched some of his other targets/victims forgive him and give him more chances and I’ve wondered what the heck is going on. They know he did awful things to them, yet eventually, they buy his excuses and take him back. One of his victims was hurt badly, then watched him target her best friend, and gave him a chance to be her friend while he dated her BFF!!! What. In. The. World.
I am not that desperate for a boyfriend. I couldn’t believe that so many women were hurt and yet came back to being “friends” with him, which really means: being on the hook in case he wants to date them again. (And by “date” he means, have sex with them again.) And yet it happens. Many of these women know he’s a jerk, and yet hope the next time he uses them, he will appreciate him. Too many of them haven’t realized that he’s literally a sociopath who will always be cruel and empty. People hesitate to consider him a sociopath because they think a sociopath is a killer rather than just a cold-hearted user who is incapable of empathy.
I know how this works. I’ve had PTSD, nightmares, an intense smear campaign, severe depression, anxiety…the whole post-sociopath deal. I was so frustrated that other people wouldn’t understand how bad it was, that I started writing to educate others about narcissists. If the flying monkeys wouldn’t listen, then I’d tell the targets and potential victims to try to keep them safe from predators. I know better than to be roped in by a narcissist! Right?
Yes, I do. However, my sociopath ex has been acting relatively normally lately. I’ve been free so long, and the smear campaign has slowed down. I won custody, I re-started my life. I’m safer now, and I realized yesterday that all of this tempts me to let my guard down. I’m doing pretty well with using gray rock when I have to see the ex when he picks up or drops off my son. He doesn’t scare or annoy me anymore. So when he started suggesting that maybe we could have a “family” event for my son, I almost thought “ooh, that would be a nice idea!”
Oh geez. What am I thinking?!?! This person is a psychopath and I know it. He might play normal, but he’s always out to get something for himself. I’ve watched his previous targets drop their guards and I wondered how they could be so naive. And here I was considering doing it too! I know better than this.
We should ALL know better than this!
Narcissists and sociopaths do not change. If you got to the point where someone was so bad that you realized they must be a narcissist, trust your instincts. If they are that bad, then you are probably right. No going back! You don’t have to live with hatred and anger, but be wise and always remember what the predator did to you. Don’t let them fool you and rope you back in if they start playing normal. Remember, it is an act, and it cannot end well for you!