Today, I am outright pissed off and disgusted by our local Child Support Enforcement Agency. They fail my child very badly. It’s outrageous how much they let the narcopath get away with.
I know most of us with abusive, narcissistic, sociopathic exes are dealing with deadbeats. It’s in their nature. They don’t meet their responsibilities or pay any bill willingly if it doesn’t sound like fun for them.
And how many of us have experienced the narcissist threatening us that if we divorce them, they will find a way to avoid paying? I know I heard that. My sociopathic ex–who is highly intelligent–assured me that he could find plenty of ways to avoid paying. So far, he has. And while the situation is ridiculously obvious, the supervisor at our local CSEA totally enables it, and the magistrate lets it go on.
When I divorced sociopath, he had a good job with good perks. He had been there a bit over a year, and while he can’t keep a job due to his raging and bullying behavior, he always managed to find another good paying job in the same pay range. His initial child support order was for $1300 a month, which is rather nice, but really just barely covered newborn childcare. He never paid that, of course. As soon as it was ordered, he announced that he’d lost his job. Now, this was definitely his pattern, and probably wasn’t done entirely to avoid support; however, he has since dodged paying a reasonable amount in any way possible.
Here’s where the court and the CSEA began to fail us miserably.
The judge told him he’d better find a comparable job ASAP, and she issued a seek work order meaning he had to check in and report when he found a job. She told him he needed to do so because she needed to recalculate child support to match his real income. In the mean time, she based child support on minimum wage even though he stated in court that his unemployment was significantly higher. So already, from the very start, he was not held accountable for his actual income. At one point, she suggested pay $50 a month which was the absolute minimum, but fortunately, we avoided that because the numbers required him to pay a bit over $300. Big drop, right? Of course, I was still paying $250 a week for the lowest child care I could find while he was “unemployed” and living it up, posting his vacation pictures on social media, and “checking in” to concerts and other expensive locations. When he learned that his order would be so “high,” he first denied paternity–which slowed the process. Then when paternity was proven, which we ALL knew would happen, he refused to sign the divorce papers for several months. The court did not hold him responsible for back support during all his games, so he got away with dodging support for at least six months that way. What a joke. I was carrying the load…and yes, childcare is a HUGE expense for single parents who must work to survive. Of course there is everything beyond childcare as well.
Narcopath then proceeded to ignore the seek work order. He got another good job, nearly as well-paying as the one he lost, but the child support order continued to be based on minimum wage. What a joke. The magistrate did not care, nor did she hold him accountable for refusing to follow the order, or hold him accountable for the higher wages. For several years, he flitted from one good job to another while paying based on minimum wage. And the courts LET him do it.
Finally, I was allowed to request a change. Hallelujah! My attorney had spoken to his then employer on the phone and verified his income. CSEA asked him to verify, but he refused. So they chose an imputed wage–which was quite a bit lower than his VERIFIED income, and was less than half his history of income. They would not accept my attorney’s verbal verification, nor would they subpoena the employer. So, the deadbeat was calculated to pay a bit more support, but as usual, he was never held accountable for paying based on what he made. And of course, he didn’t even pay that. What a sham.
The abuser continued to drive a nice SUV, and now a brand new SUV. He travels frequently and posts photos on Facebook. He recently spent over $3000 on a spa resort trip…just weeks after requesting a child support reduction saying he was making less money.
Now here’s some more B.S. Per the guidelines, we can only request a change every three years. It has been under two years. WHY oh why did the supervisor even allow this nonsense? Why is she enabling him? Last year, she allowed him to go to court and have several thousand dollars in arrears forgiven because he supposedly was making less. People are stunned when I tell them that part.
Fact is, if he were making as little as she imputes, he would have nothing to live on after his car payment and vacation expenses. It’s very, very clear that he must have more income. I’m starting to wonder why the CSEA repeatedly breaks rules for this dead beat with a criminal history. Why the magistrate doesn’t care. Why this insanity continues while we rely on charity and he goes to resorts.
IN WHAT WORLD DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?!
I just recently got her most new calculation that shouldn’t have been done in under three years. She overestimated my income–estimating more than I’ve made in the past three years and more than I make now. I had given her my tax returns and pay stubs, as well as my employer information. There is no way to calculate significantly more…but she did. At the same time, she forgave more than 30% of the narcopath’s “self-employment” income calling it “business expenses.” His “adjusted” income is a number that he cannot possibly be living on. It’s laughable. If I subtract his known vacations and car payment, am I really supposed to believe he lives on a few hundred a month? No. He’d be starving on the streets if that was all he had. And I know he is renting a home and eating out frequently.
I have no clue why she keeps increasing my income to numbers I have not made in the past and am not going to make this year. I have no idea why she gave the abuser such a huge, extravagant break for “expenses.” I have no idea why they ignored his past history of making a good FIVE times as much, and didn’t use that reality to impute wages or even create an average. It’s bizarre. Why fraudulently calculate more for me, but ignore the reality that he is quite obviously under working on purpose? One can see his history of high paying jobs, them POOF, suddenly, when child support is ordered, he is “self-employed” so he can’t be garnished, and he makes poverty wages. (Supposedly…I sure wish I could go to resorts on poverty wages.)
I do know that sociopaths are less likely to be held accountable, but if they are, they are also less likely to be fully held accountable thanks to their charm. I can only assume that’s what keeps happening here, but it’s ridiculous and shameful.
His latest child support calculation is barely $200 a month. A couple thousand a year. This for a man who just spent more than an entire year’s worth of child support on just one of his vacations. Who can spend two month’s worth of this calculated support on a weekend trip. He has been photographed on these trips and has no problem admitting that he goes.
The ex had his license suspended over a year ago for not paying. He hasn’t paid a cent in a couple years, and even that was a one time thing. Why is he still driving? Why is he not in jail? Why is CSEA working to reduce his support to laughable levels rather than holding him accountable for paying a realistic amount, or any amount at all? Why are the enabling him and leaving us hanging?
I asked these things. And the supervisor’s response? She told me that maybe one day he will retire and they can garnish his social security. Maybe in twenty years when my child is an adult. Maybe. Is there any appropriate response to such a ridiculous comment? That maybe in twenty years, he might be held accountable for housing, utilities, schools supplies, clothes, food and more that my child needs NOW? Good grief.
Of course, even if they do manage to do that, the calculations are so ridiculous that he won’t owe what he really should. And of course that money in twenty years won’t be worth nearly as much. The amount is shameful now, but will be meaningless in twenty years when I’ve already been working my self to the bone to get by.
SHAME on you Greene County CSEA.
There is no way on this earth that they should be ignoring his pay history, giving him unrealistic income adjustments, refusing to advance the case and push for a payment or falsely inflating my piddly single mom income to give Mr. Living in Luxury a discount. That’s just screwed up.
In NO way should a deadbeat be at a luxury resort while his only child is living in near poverty and mom is working non-stop to support everyone. In a first world country, this is despicable.