My narcopath ex has a sugar mama.
Yes. For real! He used to brag about her to me when we were married, and he told me that there was a rich old woman who loved him and would marry him and support him any time he said the word. Gee, sure sounds like he appreciates her, right? He literally boasted to me that he could use her for money any time he wanted, and she would jump to do whatever he asked.
At the time, I thought he was just exaggerating or trying to make me jealous, but since then, I have found out that he was actually telling the truth. (What a rarity!)
During the divorce, I learned that he listed her as an “employer” when he was between jobs because she would make up fake stuff for him to do, and pay him to do it. He uses her as a job reference, and she lies for him despite knowing his work record is abysmal. She knows he is a grown man who cannot keep a job or meet his responsibilities. She’s bailed him out of jail multiple times, so she knows his criminal activity wasn’t just a one time “accident.” She’s loaned him her car only for him to wreck it or get red light tickets that were assigned to her because it was her car. She’s let him use her home for storage, she’s let him live with her. He has used and abused her generosity, yet she still enables him. Unlike many of his newer flying monkeys, she knows a lot more about his history–enough that she could easily put two and two together and realize he is a sociopath, or at least someone who is constantly in trouble and using others to get out of it. While healthy adults would catch on and put a stop to giving money to a persistent con-artist, she has caught on, but chooses to help him avoid his responsibilities.
This is enabling. It doesn’t help anyone. If it comes from a place of naivety or kindness, it’s still damaging. It’s foolish. We do not love or help people by consistently bailing them out so they don’t have to face the consequences of their bad behavior! With this woman, she is not naive. She is well aware of his destructive and abusive behavior towards so many people, and she chooses to fund him so he can avoid consequences. At this point, she is just as sick and guilty as he is.
Some people only see one bad behavior from a sociopath, and the sociopath can easily rationalize that away and make themselves a victim. However, if a person sees it over and over and over, it’s not hard to realize it’s a pattern and that the disordered person is NOT a victim. Most people who have seen this with the narcopath over the years catch on and step away. This woman does not. I have no idea what she gets out of it.
Narcopath recently applied to lower his child support payments just days after going on a very expensive luxury vacation. One day at the resort was about two months’ worth of his new child support amount. Yes. One day at the hotel cost more than two months of support! Of course I appealed the change, stating that if he can afford that expensive luxury spa resort vacation, he can pay reasonable child support. His excuse was that the sugar mama paid for it, and he said she would testify to that. He is a blatant liar, so it’s hard to know if she really did pay for it, but she is also a consistent sociopath enabler, so either she paid for it or she’s willing to lie and say she did to keep him from being held accountable. Again. That doesn’t speak well for her!
It’s interesting that this sick woman would know that he is two years behind in child support, yet would spend thousands of dollars to give him a free trip, (as opposed to maybe loaning him money to meet his more serious obligations!) Or that she would know he’s fraudulently trying to avoid paying support, and that she would lie to help him do it.
I have no idea what kind of “romantic” relationship these two have going on. Obviously, she must know that he dates and sleeps around, so I don’t know if he keeps her on the hook or what. I don’t know if she’s infatuated and dreaming of the day he falls in love with her or what. I cannot understand why she would continue her behavior helping a sociopath who does nothing back for her, so there must be some benefit. I just don’t get it.
Either way, my narcopath ex has a sugar mama. She has been doing this for him for nearly 30 years. Pathetic!