A few years ago, I wrote a book called “A Woman’s Guide to Detecting Narcissistic Men: Thirty Tips for Recognizing a Potential Predator.” Here are five of the characteristics you might see if you are dating a narcissistic man with their condensed explanations. To read more, please find the book on Amazon:
Number one: The man who can’t keep a relationship
Narcissists are infamous for falling “in love” quickly and getting bored even more quickly. They move right along and don’t look back. They are charming and have no problem getting dates, but they can’t keep anyone around. Sometimes this is because they get bored and move on, (often without actually telling the woman they are moving on!) Sometimes this is because they become abusive and the woman gets the heck out of there. Either way, they simply cannot maintain a relationship.
Number two: The man with a history of on-again/off-again relationships
In the cycle of abuse, an abuser will build up and finally unleash on his partner, then apologize and beg her to take him back. They have a honeymoon period where the abuser treats her well, then stress builds and the abuse comes again. When this is happening, couples will often break up then make up over and over again. This cycle is common with most abusers, but it’s also common with narcissists who scare their partners away, (or cheat on them,) then need an ego boost and charm their partners back. It definitely indicates a problem!
Number three: The man with many female friends
Narcissists always have some women on the hook. Narcissists can be super charming at first, and some of these women are probably hoping to date the narcissist. The narcissist knows this and keeps them around to coddle his ego, and possibly use them as back-ups if he gets desperate for some one-on-one attention. He gives them hope that one day they might be so lucky. In the meantime, they stroke his ego. He might even be sleeping with some of them. Now here’s the weird thing: some of these women might be his exes. Remember, narcs turn on the charm win to women over, but often dump them quickly. When they do that, the women haven’t been with the narcissist long enough to see the abuse, so they’re left thinking they did something wrong, and Mr. Wonderful dumped them because they weren’t good enough. Oddly enough, this might make them clingy. Instead of moving on, they might keep trying, and he keeps their hopes up.
Number four: The man who is too familiar too soon
Remember, narcissists do not respect boundaries. They will just start acting like they’ve known you for years and will push their ways into your life as if it is their life. You might not even notice that they just assume they have a right to do this. If you’ve been craving a relationship, you might even enjoy this closeness. But, this type of fast closeness is not real or healthy. They don’t let the relationship develop. They just dive right in. This isn’t necessarily a good thing!
Number five : The man who can’t keep a job
A narcissist is wonderfully charming and can easily find new admirers, but if he is in contact with people on a daily basis, they are going to find out what he’s like. A narc can pull off his act during social interactions, but not with the people who see him frequently for hours at a time. After a while, his mask begins to slide. Narcissists sometimes have great jobs and reach management positions with their charm, but just as often, they are going from job to job every few months. Why? Because their rage and selfish behavior catches up with them! They can lie and charm a manager into giving them a job, but they can’t fool all of the co-workers forever. Even if a narcissist is “nice” to many of them, they almost always pick at least one target to bully. It is true that we have been experiencing a poor economy and jobs were hard to come by, but if you are dating a man who goes through a lot of jobs, something could be wrong.
So there you have it! Five initial clues that you might be with a narcissist, or maybe just a bum or a player. The full book includes thirty signs, with longer descriptions, but I just picked a few basics for a blog post. Please check out the entire eBook on Amazon to read the rest.