Narcissists are dangerous and deadly to your family’s health

HPIM1242.JPG Narcissists do not take anyone seriously but themselves. They do not care about the needs of others, and they do not respect anything you say. No matter how correct you are, they don’t care one bit about YOUR words, your thoughts, or anything you say you want or need for yourself. They only care about what they have decided to be true–no matter how wrong they are. Sometimes, they are dead wrong. They will override your personal wishes for your health and your children’s health. They will override a doctor’s orders. Sometimes, it’s not because they think they know better…it is simply because they like to do the opposite of what others say just to prove that no one is going to control them and no one else can be in charge. They must be the boss at all times.

When my oldest child was young, I couldn’t afford daycare, so I reluctantly let my narcissist mother babysit. I knew I had had problems with her my entire life, but I didn’t yet understand how severe her sickness was. I had constant problems with her overruling my choices for how I was going to parent my child. For example, I wanted to breast feed my son exclusively for six months, then continue with breast milk for the first year. It was very important to me because I’d read about the benefits and really valued them. Plus, formula is so incredibly expensive, I wanted to avoid having to use it! I was one of the lucky women who had no problem with nursing after the first few weeks. I was able to send my son to my mother’s every morning with a full day’s worth of milk, plus some. I told narc mom how to heat the milk and how much he should have, etc…. I also asked her to avoid giving him a bottle right before I got home because I could nurse him directly. So what happened? After a while, she started throwing the breast milk away to give my son the formula she preferred. She would also feed him as she knew I was driving home so that he wouldn’t be hungry when I was home. There was no need for her behavior. She just wanted to be the one in charge, and she didn’t respect me.

As my son got older, I wanted to feed him healthfully and avoid too many sweets. I wanted to get him on a good diet so he’d be willing to eat vegetables, but only have sweets in moderation. Some days, my mother wouldn’t give him lunch at all, but would give him cookies or cake instead. I don’t think that is a good idea! But, when I objected, she rolled her eyes at me and told me it was no big deal. Maybe once, for a normal person…but not every day in a direct disrespect of my choices for my own child! Seriously, don’t we all know not to give toddlers cake for lunch?

Anyway, it was frustrating, and it was rude!

BUT, some narcissists will violate your guidelines in a way that are dangerous or deadly.

My second child used to eat mangoes, until one day, I gave him some, and he broke out with bright red hives all around his mouth. He continued to have stomach problems for two days, and the doctor told me not to give him anymore, (which I was not going to do anyway!) Sociopath ex knows this. But, to “prove” that nothing is wrong, he “tests” my son by giving him mangoes during rare visits. This is not deadly to my son, but every time, he comes home crying with stomach pain and stomach issues. And with allergies, they can advance until they are more serious.

These games are normal with narcissists. When I first joined support groups. I saw these kinds of stories over and over. Narcissist mothers in particular don’t take an adult child seriously when they say they or their children have an allergy. They will sneak bits of the allergy food into the allergic person’s plate to “prove” nothing is wrong. Of course, the person always has a reaction, because there IS something wrong. But, the narcissist has to be right and in charge at ALL costs–even at the chance of harming or killing you or your child.

A few weeks ago, I read an advice column about a grandmother that refused to acknowledge her grandchild’s diabetes and was becoming a danger. Dear Abby didn’t mention narcissism, but I was thinking it the whole time! This reader wrote to Dear Abby that her mother kept trying to give the diabetic grandson candy and sugar. When the mother told the grandmother to stop, the grandmother was dismissive and said it was no big deal. She said “whatever” and told the mother she was overreacting. Classic narcissist!!! You can tell them about a very serious health danger, and they just blow it off and roll their eyes at you. (I’ve literally watched my narc mom do this a million times!) The article was so classic, that I cut it out of the newspaper so I could remember to share it here. Here is a link to the online version:

A few days ago, I read a click bait story of a grandmother who gave her deathly allergic granddaughter some peanuts and bananas hidden in a cookie. The story was a bit sensationalized because the click bait story has it spread out over dozens of pages, but the story was again, classic narcissist. If you wish to brave all the clicks and ads, here it is:

To make that story short, the rich, obsessed grandmother refused to accept that the granddaughter had various food allergies, so she decided to sneak some of the allergy to the toddler to “prove” nothing was wrong. The little girl ended up in the ER and could have died because she had a serious anaphylactic reaction. True story or not, it most definitely is a real possibility with a narcissist.

Because the narcissist is so arrogant and self absorbed, they think they know everything. I always swear, that they purposely go out of the way to do the very opposite of what you want just to show that you can’t tell them what to do. This includes with food preferences and deadly allergies or serious diseases. If anything wasn’t their idea or decision, they will sabotage you but doing what they have been told not to do…even if it could kill someone.



6 thoughts on “Narcissists are dangerous and deadly to your family’s health

  1. Reading this, it occurs to me that their disordered selves with Narcissistic abuse nearly ties in with that, forgive me I am not sure what it’s called but I think you will when I try to type it! “Munchousen by proxy syndrome?” Even if they don’t go to ER themselves with the DAMAGED targeted child (POISONED, not merely given too many sweets, jerks, probably set off a life long ADDICTION to sugar ), where was I lol. I can see it “tying in” because by this MURDEROUS disregard for health they are having their secret childish “hee hee hee rush” which is what these narcs all yearn for. Control. Absolutely no empathy for other living things. None. Nada.

    • That too! My narc mom loved an emergency. If something bad was happening, she got so excited that she could call everyone and be important while sharing the bad news.

  2. … Throwing that breast milk away!! I gasped out loud! You do not throw away liquid gold.

    My NM acted the same way. Although, when she went against my wishes concerning my children, it was because she was jealous that I was accomplishing something better/longer than she did (breast feeding longer, healthier diet, etc.) With my NM, it was a competition.

    • Yes, similar thing here. My mom used to repeat that she had wanted to breast feed but couldn’t because she was forced to work. I was like, um hello? I go to work and sit in a closet for my break, most of my lunch, and my other break just to pump this milk! I think she was angry that I took steps and gave up my own time to do something she didn’t do. I was pretty relieved after a year, though. I was glad to get my breaks back at work!

  3. I believe I just lost a friend over what I see as his entitled, disrespectful behavior. I had him over for dinner. We drank and when he has a lot to drink, he sometimes “jokingly” calls me a ‘cunt’. I’ve discussed this with him when sober and he apologizes, but it still happens, and he keeps saying he’s surprised he calls me that.

    Then about 30 mins after the name calling, he goes over to my kitchen sink and pees in it! At that moment, I told him it was not okay. In the end, it took me telling him 4 times over several days that I felt disrespected, before he apologized. In fact, he even wrote that he has a hard time apologizing for that because he “plays hard.” And then he essentially rescinded his apology and said that I want a fake apology for something that didn’t happen. (Um, gaslight much?!) He’s saying that since he didn’t mean the name calling, and kitchen sink as toilet, as disrespect, that I am choosing to feel disrespected. But I have to say that I think my boundaries over these issues are totally reasonable, and I’m not asking too much.

    Re-reading our correspondence, I am proud of the way I stood up for myself… with clear communication, respect and explaining why I felt the way I did. In the beginning, I even used humor and listed off some of the characteristics that I love about him… trying to ease the sting of a difficult conversation. But now, I am done. I’m tired of people behaving like assholes and refusing to be held accountable.

  4. Hi, the mango thing is REALLY dangerous, especially with the hives. That is how my aspirin allergy started, and now if I even touch one my throat swells. I’m sure you are documenting every time this happens, it could easily end up a life and death thing.

    When I was a child, I would have these attacks where I couldn’t breathe. At first I would go to Mum and say, ‘Mum, I can’t breathe!’, but she would tell me to stop being so stupid, of course I could breathe. I learned to cope with it by lying down and going to sleep, and when I woke up it would be gone. When I left home I was diagnosed with asthma.

    And the reason my aspirin allergy worsened was because she didn’t believe the doctor when he told her not to give me any more. She also watched as my sister rubbed aspirin around the rim of the glass I was going to drink from. It was ‘just a joke’.Actually, my family is so weird that this is something we still laugh about – ‘remember the time Karen’s face and head swelled up and didn’t go down for 2 weeks!’ :-O

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