Narcissists do not take anyone seriously but themselves. They do not care about the needs of others, and they do not respect anything you say. No matter how correct you are, they don’t care one bit about YOUR words, your thoughts, or anything you say you want or need for yourself. They only care about what they have decided to be true–no matter how wrong they are. Sometimes, they are dead wrong. They will override your personal wishes for your health and your children’s health. They will override a doctor’s orders. Sometimes, it’s not because they think they know better…it is simply because they like to do the opposite of what others say just to prove that no one is going to control them and no one else can be in charge. They must be the boss at all times.
When my oldest child was young, I couldn’t afford daycare, so I reluctantly let my narcissist mother babysit. I knew I had had problems with her my entire life, but I didn’t yet understand how severe her sickness was. I had constant problems with her overruling my choices for how I was going to parent my child. For example, I wanted to breast feed my son exclusively for six months, then continue with breast milk for the first year. It was very important to me because I’d read about the benefits and really valued them. Plus, formula is so incredibly expensive, I wanted to avoid having to use it! I was one of the lucky women who had no problem with nursing after the first few weeks. I was able to send my son to my mother’s every morning with a full day’s worth of milk, plus some. I told narc mom how to heat the milk and how much he should have, etc…. I also asked her to avoid giving him a bottle right before I got home because I could nurse him directly. So what happened? After a while, she started throwing the breast milk away to give my son the formula she preferred. She would also feed him as she knew I was driving home so that he wouldn’t be hungry when I was home. There was no need for her behavior. She just wanted to be the one in charge, and she didn’t respect me.
As my son got older, I wanted to feed him healthfully and avoid too many sweets. I wanted to get him on a good diet so he’d be willing to eat vegetables, but only have sweets in moderation. Some days, my mother wouldn’t give him lunch at all, but would give him cookies or cake instead. I don’t think that is a good idea! But, when I objected, she rolled her eyes at me and told me it was no big deal. Maybe once, for a normal person…but not every day in a direct disrespect of my choices for my own child! Seriously, don’t we all know not to give toddlers cake for lunch?
Anyway, it was frustrating, and it was rude!
BUT, some narcissists will violate your guidelines in a way that are dangerous or deadly.
My second child used to eat mangoes, until one day, I gave him some, and he broke out with bright red hives all around his mouth. He continued to have stomach problems for two days, and the doctor told me not to give him anymore, (which I was not going to do anyway!) Sociopath ex knows this. But, to “prove” that nothing is wrong, he “tests” my son by giving him mangoes during rare visits. This is not deadly to my son, but every time, he comes home crying with stomach pain and stomach issues. And with allergies, they can advance until they are more serious.
These games are normal with narcissists. When I first joined support groups. I saw these kinds of stories over and over. Narcissist mothers in particular don’t take an adult child seriously when they say they or their children have an allergy. They will sneak bits of the allergy food into the allergic person’s plate to “prove” nothing is wrong. Of course, the person always has a reaction, because there IS something wrong. But, the narcissist has to be right and in charge at ALL costs–even at the chance of harming or killing you or your child.
A few weeks ago, I read an advice column about a grandmother that refused to acknowledge her grandchild’s diabetes and was becoming a danger. Dear Abby didn’t mention narcissism, but I was thinking it the whole time! This reader wrote to Dear Abby that her mother kept trying to give the diabetic grandson candy and sugar. When the mother told the grandmother to stop, the grandmother was dismissive and said it was no big deal. She said “whatever” and told the mother she was overreacting. Classic narcissist!!! You can tell them about a very serious health danger, and they just blow it off and roll their eyes at you. (I’ve literally watched my narc mom do this a million times!) The article was so classic, that I cut it out of the newspaper so I could remember to share it here. Here is a link to the online version: http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2017/10/21/grandma-refuses-to-take-boys-diabetes
A few days ago, I read a click bait story of a grandmother who gave her deathly allergic granddaughter some peanuts and bananas hidden in a cookie. The story was a bit sensationalized because the click bait story has it spread out over dozens of pages, but the story was again, classic narcissist. If you wish to brave all the clicks and ads, here it is: http://www.suggest.com/lifestyle/1725211/crazy-mother-in-law-tried-to-kill-her-granddaughter-by-feeding-her-a-laced-cookie
To make that story short, the rich, obsessed grandmother refused to accept that the granddaughter had various food allergies, so she decided to sneak some of the allergy to the toddler to “prove” nothing was wrong. The little girl ended up in the ER and could have died because she had a serious anaphylactic reaction. True story or not, it most definitely is a real possibility with a narcissist.
Because the narcissist is so arrogant and self absorbed, they think they know everything. I always swear, that they purposely go out of the way to do the very opposite of what you want just to show that you can’t tell them what to do. This includes with food preferences and deadly allergies or serious diseases. If anything wasn’t their idea or decision, they will sabotage you but doing what they have been told not to do…even if it could kill someone.