She started an extreme smear campaign against me saying I had harmed her and she was a victim. Of course the narcissist never tells the real, story right? She posted repeated defamation and slander against me all over social media. She sent emails to people who “liked” my posts to smear me and tell them to boycott or badmouth me like she did. I defended myself a few times without naming names or sending flying monkeys. I have no desire to ask people to bully anyone for me.
In typical narc fashion, when this person was smearing me publicly and telling lies about me, she 1. totally omitted the reality that she was actually the one who had done something crappy to me, (repeatedly) 2. she minimized the situation and twisted it around, and 3. she publicly posted my name and details along with lies about me.
One thing I’ve always done with narcissists is, I tell my story, but I don’t name names. Oh I’d loooove to post my sociopath ex’s name all over, but that would be unethical. Even though I’d be telling the truth, I’d be putting myself in a very bad place to publicly name my abuser or any other narcissist I’ve dealt with. It’s wiser not to do that. Share the stories so others can see for themselves, because if you see a public smearing, you are most likely seeing the narcissist in action trying to destroy the target.
That’s what narcs do. They use and misuse you, then play victim and trash you with lies when you want it to stop. The “forget” to tell what they did wrong, or they mis-characterize it to fudge or minimize what they really did. They want to make themselves bigger off the back of others because they feel so entitled. Then they badmouth and smear the very people they’ve been using. This person used social media to gather a group of flying monkeys and encouraged them to send me bullying messages or harass me. This is a KEY sign of a smear campaign…when you contact others to smear the target or you encourage others to bully them. It’s one way to know you are being used as a flying monkey. The situation goes beyond education and into an outright, overt, public smear campaign with the narc gathering others to help. It’s usually the person who isn’t naming names or sending teams of monkeys who is the target. And unfortunately, it’s usually the narcissist who gathers the followers when they target others.
Since the incident, I have ignored the person. It does no use to check to see if a narc is still trashing you. I know they still are, because I get messages about it, but as far as I’m concerned, if they are still smearing my name, it speaks more of them. All we can do is be honest and keep having integrity. The narc will move on to the next person.
So to boil it all down, during a smear campaign, you can usually recognize the narcissist because they will:
1. Use direct names and tags to smear their target as publicly and widely as possible
2. Try to involve others by e-mailing third parties to smear some more
3. Gather the flying monkeys, and get the monkeys enraged on their behalf, then send the monkeys to do damage
4. Twist the story and omit key facts that show they are guilty of harming their target
5. Use emotions, drama, and half-stories to get others upset and angry at the target. Cluster Bs appeal to emotion and people’s inner feelings to get them to go along with the smear campaign.
6. Most likely, because of their wide-reaching attempts to defame the target, they will initially be “successful” with their smear campaign.