If my ex is so great…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA To those who attack me on behalf of my abuser:

I say he abused me. He degraded me. He attacked and controlled me. He intimidated me. He insulted me. He hurt me badly. He almost killed me. I say he is a sociopath.

He says I’m crazy.

You say I’m a liar and a slanderer.


But what I want to know is:

If my ex is so great,

then why am I the who suffers and goes to therapy?
why am I the one who cries myself to sleep at night?
why do I fear and avoid human companionship?
why do I shrink up and feel terror at the idea of being with a man again?
why did my life change dramatically while his stayed the same?
why did I give up my social life to hide and heal?
why do I shake with fear when I have to sit in the courtroom with him?
why do I turn down every request I get for a date?
why was my trust in others crushed and destroyed?
why do I fear the future?
why do I freeze when a man compliments me?
why do I have nightmares?
why do I stay home and struggle to pay bills while he travels and refuses to pay child support?
why do I read self-help books while he goes to parties?
why do I refuse to date while he moved on within days and never felt a pang of remorse?
why does he justify his violent behavior? Why do you?
why am I the one who is careful about making new friends?
why I am I quiet and withdrawn?
why do I dread waking up in the morning?
why do I question the motives of anyone who tries to be nice to me?

Why? Because I was a good, trusting, loving, honest person who got run over and thoroughly violated by a monster with no conscience, heart or remorse. The same one who lies to you like he once did to me.


8 thoughts on “If my ex is so great…

  1. I don’t agree with this article. The aggressors go through the same pains and fears, sometimes NPD and especially NPD+BPD. I’m sure my abuser does all of these things.

    • Perhaps the difference between a covert and overt narc? I’ve seen covert narcs become very depressed, but my ex was an outgoing overt narcissistic sociopath. Nothing got him down and he never missed a beat when he went on to the next target.

  2. Yep, get it. My narc father has always maintained there is nothing wrong with him, it was the rest of us, especially me, the scapegoat. I recognise your list at various stages of my life and not one, not one of my abusers ever flinched or got therapy, because…I was a narc magnet.
    At the mo, first time in my life the thought of a man in my life makes me feel physically sick, the last one played a blinder. And yes, kind hearted always hopes for the good in others, just we need stronger boundaries to bounce them off with.

  3. Joanna, this is an excellent post and I can definitely relate. I went through all of that with my sociopathic NPD/ASPD ex. I would like to reblog this article, but I don’t see a reblog button. Anyway, I’m adding your blog to my list of favorite blogs.

  4. This is spot on. I am getting smeared & his friends avoid me bc he laid the groundwork by always telling people I was crazy. I used to say,”I wasn’t crazy until getting involved with you!”

  5. I think the answer to these questions is all “because you’re heartbroken” I mean it’s pretty obvious that’s what is going on. The “narcissism” and “sociopathy” sounds more like “confidence” and “lack of attention” but yeah, sure, so many of these covert murderers running around. That makes sense.

  6. Honey, I’m truly sorry you have suffered so much, and apparently still suffering as far as I can tell. From the looks of your blog dates, you are less than year out. Kudos, by the way for stepping up to share your story and hopefully heal! Been there, done that myself! I’m over 5 years out at this time.

    You’re a pretty good writer, and I have no doubt you have much wisdom to tell. Being less than a year out, it looks like you are still dealing with so much, and blogging is good way to do it, and if it helps others along the way, I say more power to you! Stay with it, and don’t give up! It does get better!

    In the mean time, I suggest you be good to you, and there’s places on the net you have the chance to connect with victims of narcissistic abuse who feel a bit like road kill after being worked over by one of those dark souls.

    The thought that occurs to me, that now might be a good time to look into and explore the possibilities of therapy with a specialist. You’ve got a way to yet, but I’m confident you’ll make it in good time stronger than ever!

    BTW… to you and other victims…if you don’t already realize this..guard your privacy well and use fake pseudonyms as there’s trolls out there, and they would love nothing better than to make your life even more miserable if they know who you are, especially your abuser’s minions! Just saying, take care to protect yourself at all times! BEWARE THE TROLLS OUT THERE!

    Big hugs, and best wishes for a successful outcome. Take care, and be good to you!

Leave a Comment