For the first time in going on three years, I went back out into my former social life that the ex narcopath has been destroying. I’d say all-in-all, it was a win! But, I learned how severe and extreme his campaign has been. You would think that if a guy with a history of aggression and abuse went around soliciting people to trash me, (I have no history of aggression or anything other than being really shy and meek,) that intelligent people would realize that he was sick. Unfortunately, many do not, and many just accept the lies. In fact, in my case, the lies and gossip have taken on a life of their own and created a reputation for me that has absolutely nothing to do with the real me!
I am often shocked at the versions of the lies that get back to me. Not only does the sociopath tell pathological lies, but he spreads them to other sick people who will gossip and embellish. It’s worse than a child’s game of telephone.
When I had the misfortune of dealing with the lunatic this past week, he went up to my close friends who were with me and when one of them refused to engage, he went for the other friend. My friend is not going to turn on me, (although I’m sure sociopath hopes that will happen since it’s worked with others,) but he talked at her for over half an hour and told her how evil and awful I am. He fine-tuned this particular smear to match her personality that he’d been observing.
For three years, I have not contacted any of his friends or people I thought were his friends, but he has repeatedly gone after my friends–even my closest friends–and my family. Sociopaths simply have no boundaries. None whatsoever. Funny thing is, one person that I thought was his friend contacted me last year to validate me and tell me he believed me. I hadn’t reached out to that person because I was respecting boundaries, but he has been a good source of wisdom for me because he is aware of the truth and saw it for himself. I guess that’s the only way someone will ever catch on.
While I was at the event, (avoiding sociopath,) one person outright told me he probably shouldn’t talk to me because sociopath had told him to avoid me. Can you imagine? A grown adult being afraid to have a conversation with a smeared victim out of fear of a sociopath? Fortunately, I did get a chance to tell that person the truth and point out that, just the fact that sociopath had sought him out to tell him the lies demonstrated that something was severely wrong. I hope he really heard me, because truth, reality, and evidence can back me up.
Sociopath tried to triangulate with another of my friends, and when my friend refused to engage, sociopath followed him around intimidating him. Other friends have tried to “de-friend” or block sociopath on Facebook, but he gets aggressive and sends them angry messages demanding they be his friend, or he pursues them the same way in public. When someone has defriended me, I’ve respected their choices and left them alone, but a sociopath doesn’t think like that.
After having to encounter the sociopath and see the extent of the spread of his lies, I decided I will not let that predator destroy my life anymore. Anyone who believes his lies is a fool!
So this morning, I posted this on my Facebook status:
You know…for going on three years, my sociopath ex has been cornering anyone and everyone I might know to give them his unsolicited, pathological lies about how evil I am, and how innocent he is–against all reality and proof. He has attempted to schmooze over all my friends and even my family–sometimes successfully with those of poor judgement.
In reality, the guy targeted me because I am precisely the opposite. I am honest, naive, genuine, opinionated, loyal, loving, and a great mom, while he’s a jerk with a history of anti-social behavior who wanted to suck all the goodness out of me that he didn’t have for himself. No amount of lies is ever going to change the truth.
He chose me because I had value that he wanted for himself. And, despite his continuing predatory behavior…I still have that value. Let the fools believe what they want. I am still me and I will not be bullied out of my own life any longer.
I think that last line is going to be my new motto. I will not be bullied out of my own life any longer.
Hello there,
great article! Thank you for writing this! 🙂
I, too, had encountered sociopaths, an entire series of them actually. One was a crazy ex boyfriend who just couldn’t handle the truth of me having broken up with him, and he got his sociopath best friend in the boat with him to smear-campaign against me. I have to say, they did win. I decided to move out of town because those two not only smear-campaigned me in my circle of friends, but also throughout the entire town we were living in.
Well, having moved to a new city and hoping things would get better, I quickly had the next sociopath onto me. I had known him before and I guess he was also informed about what was going on in my old town – and decided to simply continue that once I had moved! How truly and deeply sick is that!
This time it didn’t take me as long to figure out what had happened plus this person obviously must have made some mistakes in his pursuit of wanting to destroy my reputation, I was able to take all necessary measures before it was too late actually.
Sometimes I still can’t decide what is actually worse, these sick people doing to me, and also to you, what they did – or the not much less sick people who apparently believe all those lies.
Either way, I guess I came to find out who my real friends are and who really cares about me after all, which is quite valuable, to be honest.
But yet, a very very weird after-taste remains, plus I’m not sure what else those creatures may be capable of doing, even long after I cut all of them off for good.
Good on you to have made a statement on your Facebook. I might even do the same!
I wish you good luck and great successes claiming your life back. Look after yourself, always, and remember, we are not really victims. We are survivors. 🙂
Elisabeth