Lately, I have had a number of major repairs to make, plus the narcopath ex is not paying child support. So I am working long days and struggling to pay for all these big expenses. I have a good job and I work very hard, but it is not easy to be the only person supporting a family of three. I’ve been coming home from work and doing even more work online from home. I don’t have time for fun. I have recently had my brakes go out, my washer break, my refrigerator break, and a pipe break…plus some other big expenses–including a huge water bill. Now I’m worried about the mold from the pipe break because there was a lot of water under my house. None of this stuff is cheap, plus I lost some work due to family illness. On a tight budget, these things are bad news! And the bad news just keeps on coming. In fact, I found out that all of my Christmas supplies are damaged with mold from the pipe break, as were other things I had in my basement. Just more and more and more and more bad news. More expenses that I can’t keep up with.
I have posted a few times in a Facebook group I’m in to get ideas on what to do with these serious repairs. I’m hoping there might be ways I can do some of the work myself or at least fix it enough to get by for a while. My financial struggles aren’t due to my being lazy or stupid or foolish. It’s just a streak of bad luck. After my first post, a poster who has been in there over a year but never posted suddenly started following only my posts and has been mocking me for having financial problems. He has insinuated that I’m stupid and has asked why in the world I can’t just pay for a several thousand dollar repair out of pocket, (as if we all have that kind of money lying around.) The first time it happened, I wondered where this jerk came from, but then he kept doing it. He doesn’t post anywhere but on my threads. All he has ever posted in the group is to attack me.
Tonight, I realized what is going on. This is probably a narcissist. Those types have disdain for anyone who struggles, plus they love to hurt others. They enjoy watching others have a hard time. A vulnerable or struggling person will attract narcissists like roadkill attracts vultures. This guy has ignored all other posts, but he sees me having a rough time and he honed right in. Potential victims in need are fun for a narcissist. They don’t have empathy, and they are empty inside, so they have to take joy in other people’s suffering.
I made snarky comments to the narcissist a few times. Once I said “good idea, why didn’t I think of that! I’ll go harvest my money tree!” when he thought I was stupid for not buying a brand new refrigerator instead of trying to fix the one I have. But in reality, a narc is simply not worth an answer, so I did end up blocking the guy. No need to feed his narcissistic needs. Even if he’s not a narcissist, he’s proven that his sole purpose is to be nasty.
One thing I definitely did not and would not do is defend myself. When you defend yourself and tell a narc your story, you give them more fuel to attack you with. You give them more information. If I had told my story of the non-paying deadbeat ex, the series of major repairs, the fact that I’m working long days, and more, he wouldn’t have understood and become empathetic. He would have had more fun ways to attack me. He would have had more ways to find everything “wrong” about my life. He would have found more ways to blame me for things I cannot control. It’s useless to try to explain anything to someone who’s only goal is to be mean. So…I blocked him for good.
But the incident reminded me again of why I have been such a target for narcissists. My vulnerability is loud and clear. My honesty and openness tell my life story. I still expect good things from people, I trust people, and I tell too much. Those are all narc bait. This guy picked me out of a forum of 1000 people, and he chose to remember my posts and keep up with them for the sole purpose of picking at me and attacking me. My struggles and vulnerabilities made me an easy target and he went right for me. I’ve heard that a psychopath can pick a victim out of a crowded room…and that’s basically what this guy did. He latched on to my story and became obsessed with trying to hurt me. Unfortunately for him, I ended his fun with my block option today 🙂
Thank you for this article!!!! It is very enlightening!!! And what about a woman who was struggling to end a relationship with a abuser, sought help from her old best friend, who is known to be gay (now I know he is bi) and soon, after had finished the relationship, he started to love bombing her, to a point of making her very uncomfortable. And I know he knew what he was doing. Suddenly, I became a prey. For me, this all crazy and more, I am very disappointed. Now he is in a silent treatment and I believe he victimize himself in front of his flying monkers. I would like to “Run, Lola, Run”, but I can’t yet, so I stablished very low contact. Sorry for my English! It isn’t my mother language. 😉