As I’ve mentioned before, I am dealing with an intense smear campaign. One that has involved thousands of people in public forums and conventions. The narcopath has gone after pretty much everyone in my life that he knows about, but it’s interesting to note 1. the very rare exceptions and 2. his top priorities. This is because the narcissist ranks people by social value, damage value and vulnerability. While the narcopath has attempted to turn nearly everyone against me, there are a few exceptions. There are a handful of people he never went near. He knows I’m friends with them, and he’s met some of them, but he hasn’t attempted to smear me to them. Why is that? Either he thinks they aren’t socially valuable as pawns or he recognizes especially strong boundaries.
I have some friends the narcopath has tried to approach once then given up. Some of those friends were closer to me, so he targeted them, but they had strong boundaries, so he realized they were a lost cause. There are some casual friends who cut him off with a glare. Some of these people are on to him and simply will not put up with his nonsense. He tried, but got shot down.
But then there are the narcissist’s top priorities–those closest to me, those who are most popular, and the easy wins. I have some friends that the narcopath targeted relentlessly for years until he successfully alienated them. There were some he simply wasn’t going to give up on. He saw that they would be a huge loss to my support system, and/or he saw that they would be emotionally vulnerable to his boundary pushing. If they tried to block him, he targeted them other ways. If they defriended him on Facebook, he sent them messages pushing them to reconsider. He did not respect boundaries at all.
Most recently, I went to an event with a trusted friend, and when I walked away, the narcopath latched on to my friend–who is nearly a mother figure to me–and started telling her how horrible I was. He told a whole batch of extreme lies that I can easily disprove. Just insane, bold-faced lies. We were shocked that he had the nerve to do that, because I’ve never gone near his friends. (They can have him!) But, he has been very persistent about trying to win over my friends. He knows that as he does it, he shrinks my support system and harasses me some more.
The tactics he’s used on each person are designed to fit their individual personalities. For example, since the friend he recently targeted is a mother, and is old enough to be my mom, he focused on telling her what a horrible ungrateful daughter I was, and how I was so mean to my poor mother. (Who by the way, he despised during our marriage. He wanted me to move out of state to get my mother away from me and my children!) But, since my friend is a mother of a twenty-something and a teenager, the narcopath played up that I was horrible to my mother.
This is what predators do to others. They ignore social and personal boundaries, they value people only as much as they can use them, they use people as pawns, they push until they get what they want, they stalk and analyze people, and finally, they manipulate them. My ex narcopath has a clear ranking system, and he’s been working his way through it–the people I talked to most, the people who were most popular in our circle, the people who were easy to charm…. When he’s done with one level, he goes to the next. He will never stop.